bataane se baat hee paraayee hotee hai babuji, paraaye apne nahee.n ho jaate

Film : Satyam Shivam Sundaram

Year of release : 1978

Spoken by : Roopa (Zeenat Aman)

Spoken to : Ranjeev (Shashi Kapoor)

Dialogue writer : Jainendra Jain

A film about beauty and how it is perceived. Ranjeev dislikes ugliness of every sort. So much so that when his BaDe Babu (David) shows him his reflection in a funny mirror (which distorts the reflection), he recoils in horror. Roopa is an otherwise beautiful girl with a figure to die for, but one side of her face is scarred. She however presents (initially due to a coincidence and later by design) only her left profile, which leads him to believe that she is beautiful. But like with all Indian heroines, moral pangs catch up with her and this scene features her in the temple in a moral quandary about keeping her scarred face from Babuji (Shashi Kapoor). Ranjeev comes in to the temple at that moment and sees her crying. He asks her,

"kyaa baat hai"

She says

"kuchh nahee.n"

He persists

"Roopa kyaa baat hai, bataaogii nahee.n mujhe"

She comes up with this line.

"bataane se baat hee paraayee hotee hai babuji, paraaye apne nahee.n ho jaate. jaane deejiye mujhe"

"बताने से बात ही पराई होती है बाबूजी, पराये अपने नहीं हो जाते. जाने दीजिये मुझे"

This dialogue has been suggested by the same man who inspired the creation of this blog. He has never been able to convince me that this is a great line. But has gamely tried for over 3 years now. I have finally deferred to his wish. 

Please do let me know, if you like this line. It essentially suggests - to quote my friend "99% of the people do not listen to your woes with an effort to empathise. They just listen for the fun of it. And hence you should be careful while sharing your sorrows with others - no matter how sympathetic they might seem."

My friend also deserves an award for noting a dialogue of Zeenat Aman from SSS. Most other men were too busy elsewhere. 

Comes at around 1 hour 15 minutes into the movie. 

tumhaare fatehpur me.n jo doodh rupaye kaa bees ser miltaa hai, jaante ho yahaa.n kitnaa milegaa

Film : Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam

Year of release : 1962

Spoken by : Master Babu (Krishan Dhawan)

Spoken to : Bhootnaath (Guru Dutt)

Dialogue writer : Abrar Alvi

Another round of increase in milk prices today, reminds me of this line and hence this unplanned post. There is nothing fantastic about this line in terms of language or delivery. But the content is certainly fantastic, when seen from the prism of 2012.  Probably 50 years hence, another blog reader would die reading this post. Probably someone might die even now. 

Bhootnath or Atulya Chatterjee has come from Fatehpur village in Nadia district to the big bad city of Kolkata. He comes to stay in the house of his 'mu.nhbola' jija or so-called brother in law i.e. Master Babu. Bhootnath expresses surprise over how everything is so big in the big city. 

"dada re dada, itte baDe baDe makaan hai.n yahaa.n - itte baDe baDe makaan. ki hamree to gardan hee ainTh gaee"

"दादा रे दादा, इत्ते बडे बडे मकान हैं यहां - इत्ते बडे बडे मकान. कि हमरी तो गर्दन ही ऐंठ गई"

Master Babu responds with 

"yahaa.n kii har baat baDee hai bhaiyya, makaan baDe, log baDe, naam baDe, daam bhee baDe. tumhaare fatehpur me.n jo doodh rupaye kaa bees ser miltaa hai, jaante ho yahaa.n kitnaa milegaa? gyaarah ser"

"यहां की हर बात बडी है भैय्या, मकान बडे, लोग बडे, नाम बडे, दाम भी बडे. तुम्हारे फ़तेहपुर में जो दूध रुपए का बीस सेर मिलता है, जानते हो यहां कितना मिलेगा? ग्यारह सेर"

All Bhootnath can manage is a bewildered monosyllable 

"sirf!"

I could not manage even that. 

A 'ser' is roughly equivalent to 1 kilogram. 1 kilogram is slightly more than 1 litre. So the equation here is more than 20 litres of milk for one rupee! That was the price in the village. The big bad city turned the equation into 11 litres of milk for one rupee. The current rate in Delhi is Rs 33. And today it goes up to Rs 35 per litre. That is a sustained rate of 12.65% compounded per annum over half a century. Forget property, forget stocks, forget gold. The thing you should invest is in milk. :)

Also reminds me of the other line by GhaDii Babu - ghaDii bhramnaashinii hai. Time can get rid of the worst presumptions and confusion. 

lekin kaam kuchh aisaa hai, ki mujhe aise hee aadmiyo.n kee zaroorat hai

Film : Sholay

Year of release : 1975

Spoken by : Thakur Baldev Singh (Sanjeev Kumar)

Spoken to : Jailor (Vikas Anand)

Dialogue writer : Salim Javed

I have always held that the entire screenplay of Sholay would walk into this blog. This is a classic line for an HR person writing a JD, or a line manager asking for a particular type of candidate. Because sometimes even in hardcore corporate jobs, unconventional people are required. 

This is the opening sequence of this great movie which will soon be released in 3D. I hope they do a good job technically. This is a film that deserves to be remade, recreated, digitally enhanced, etc etc etc. 

Thakur asks Ramlal to show a photo to the jailor and asks him if he recognises the men in the photo.

"inhe.n pehchaante hai.n aap?"

The Jailor responds with,

"Thakur sahab shayad hee koee aisaa jail ho, jisme.n ye dono.n naa gaye ho.n. ye veeru hai aur ye jaidev. dono.n ke dono.n pakke badmaash. ek nambar ke chor. chha.nTe hue GunDe hai.n"

Then with a sigh, Thakur comes up with this gem,

"jaantaa hoo.n lekin kaam kuchh aisaa hai, ki mujhe aise hee aadmiyo.n kee zaroorat hai"

"जानता हूं, लेकिन काम कुछ ऐसा है, कि मुझे ऐसे ही आदमियों की ज़रूरत है"

The discussion continues with the jailor saying that he does not know what kind of job he wants them for, but they are rotten to the core. Or as he puts it, 

"khoTaa sikkaa to dono.n hee taraF se khoTaa hotaa hai"

Thakur comes up with another gem,

"sikke aur insaan me.n shaayad yahee farq hai"

"सिक्के और इंसान में शायद यही फ़र्क़ है"

LaDkaa pyaar to kartaa hai, surakshaa nahee.n de saktaa

Film : Haasil

Year of release : 2003

Spoken by : Ranvijay Singh (Irfan Khan)

Spoken to : Aniruddh Sharma (Anni) [Jimmy Shergill]

Dialogue writer : Tigmanshu Dhulia

One of my friends pointed out to me the fact that my blog doesn't feature any Irfan dialogue yet. I thought I must correct this with that dialogue (rather than conversation) which left a deep impact on me. I am an otherwise sane person, but if someone would have come and spoken to me the way Ranvijay did, I would have gone for the gun too. Irfan really made an impact with this film. Maqbool had too many people vying for the honours. 

The story has a sweet boy Anni who is in love with Niharika (Hrishita Bhatt - another favourite of mine). However, one of his rendezvous' with his lady love is interrupted by her brothers who bash him up. He goes to Ranvijay for solace and guidance. And this is what Ranvijay tells him, 

लडकी जो है, आदमी से प्यार करती है, और आदमी में अगर वीरता नहीं है, तो आदमी आदमी नहीं है.

लडकी के सामने उन लौंडों ने तुमको मारा और तुमने कुछ नहीं किया, तो लडकी समझेगी, 

"कि लडका प्यार तो करता है, सुरक्षा नहीं दे सकता"

"laDkaa pyaar to kartaa hai, surakshaa nahee.n de saktaa"

समझे. एक काम करो. लडकी के बाप को तो रहने दो. लेकिन उन दोनों लौंडों से हिसाब पूरा करो. निहारिका को लगे तो, उसका अन्नी आदमी है, ऐसे ही भोला भाला बबुवा नहीं है ख़ाली.

क्या करोगे?

Anni says,

करेंगे क्या? मारेंगे सालों को!

Ranvijay hands him a gun and lays the finishing touch to his advice with this line. 

ये रख लो. दिखाना, ख़ाली दिखाना, फट जायेगी, हौंक हौंक के मारना, दौडा दौडा के मारना सालों को. और सुनो! सुनो, आर्टिस्ट, जान से ना मार देना. हैं! इतना मारना, इतना मारना, कि तुम्हारी जान को लगे, कि तुममे जान है. सही कहा कि नहीं. 

"itnaa maarnaa, itnaa maarnaa, ki tumhaarii jaan ko lage, ki tumme jaan hai"

barfii ke bahaane gangaa aur jamunaa ke sangam me.n chimat ke baiTh gayaa hai

Film : Mujhe Jeene Do

Year of release : 1963

Spoken by : Thakur Jarnail Singh (Sunil Dutt)

Spoken to : Chamelijaan (Waheeda Rahman)

Dialogue writer : Agha Jaani Kashmiri

A romantic scene between Thakur and Chameli after the two are married. She eats a piece of barfii and the silver foil sticks to her lips. Thakur sees this and remarks,

"isko kyaa haq thaa?"

She asks,

"kisko?"

He says

"chaandii ke is TukDe ko. jo barfii ke bahaane, gangaa aur jamunaa ke sangam me.n chimaT ke baiTh gayaa hai"

"चान्दी के इस टुकडे को. जो बर्फ़ी के बहाने, गंगा और जमुना के संगम में चिमट के बैठ गया है"

Nice prelude to a kiss. The best I have heard or seen in a Hindi film. 

nayaa nayaa driver bahut horn bajataa hai...

Film : Bardaasht

Year of release : 2004

Spoken by : Nagesh Bhonsle (Corrupt Lawyer and Lara Dutta's boss)

Spoken to : ACP Yashwant Thakur (Rahul Dev)

Dialogue writer : Girish Dhamija

Director E Niwas always makes films about the police force. This probably is his finest film. Three corrupt cops murder a college student in cold blood and then try to cover their tracks using their connections and clout. The brother of the deceased is an ex-army man and refuses to accept things lying down. He keeps at the case till the 3 are brought to book. 

As the story unfolds, Advocate Paayal (Lara Dutta) gets her petition against the corrupt cops accepted in the court. An angry Yashwant accosts his lawyer (who was earlier Paayal's boss) and says

"tu uska guru hai yaa woh teri guru"

"तू उसका गुरु है या वो तेरी गुरु"

Nagesh Bhonsle comes back with this line

"nayaa nayaa driver bahut horn bajataa hai, iskaa matlab yeh nahee.n ki vo race jeet jaayegaa"

"नया नया ड्राइवर बहुत हॉर्न बजाता है, इसका मतलब ये नहीं कि वो रेस जीत जाएगा"

vo to aaloo hai sabhee khaate hain

Film : Shagird 

Year of release : 2011

Spoken by : Hanumant Singh (Nana Patekar)

Spoken to : Mohit Kumar (Mohit Ahlawat)

Dialogue writer : Tigmanshu Dhulia/Kamal Pandey 

Senior inspector Hanumant is getting acquainted with new recruit Mohit. He does this with typical Delhi University style ragging. 

A mixture of some questions and some activities. One of his questions is,

"aur kyaa shauq paalte ho?"

Mohit says,

"cricket kheltaa hoo.n sir"

Hanumant responds in classic Nana style

"cricket me.n kyaa Khaas hai. vo to aaloo hai, sabhee khaate hai.n"

"क्रिकेट में क्या ख़ास है. वो तो आलू है, सभी खाते हैं."

The ragging continues after that, but I quite liked the likening of a very common thing to potatoes in this manner. Of course, Nana's style makes the line sound better. 

And Shaagird was certainly more watchable than all the 100 crore movies of 2011 put together. These days when I have to damn a movie, shred it to pieces – all I tell my friends is that this is a 100 crores grosser. ZNMD doesn’t do 100 crores, but Bodyguard, Ready, Ra One, Don 2 and Agnipath do! So next time I refer to a movie as a 100 crores grosser – read between the lines :)

ye us waqt tak tumhaarii beTii naheen kahlaayee jaa saktii, jab tak ... tum mere koThe se iskaa Dolaa nahee.n uThvaaoge

Film : Paakeezaah
Year of release : 1972
Spoken by : Nawaabjaab (Veena)
Spoken to : Shahaabuddin (Ashok Kumar)
Dialogue writer : Kamaal Amrohi


The climax of the classic Pakeezah. Shahaabuddin is shot by his father Hakim Saahab (Sapru). Salim (Raj Kumar) comes running and puts Shahabuddin's head in his lap. 
Shahabuddin tells him "saleem ye meri beTi hai"
Nawaabjaan says


"nahee.n shahaabuddin, ye abhii tak sirF nargis kee beTii hai, ye us waqt tak tumhaarii beTii nahee.n kahlaayee jaa saktii, jab tak, ek baaraat ise byaahne nahee.n aayegii. aur tum mere koThe se iskaa Dolaa nahee.n uThvaaoge"
"नहीं शहाबुद्दीन, ये अभी तक सिर्फ़ नरगिस की बेटी है, ये उस वक़्त तक तुम्हारी बेटी नहीं कहलायी जा सकती, जब तक, एक बारात इसे ब्याहने नहीं आयेगी. और तुम मेरे कोठे से इसका डोला नहीं उठवाओगे."

Draamebaaz hai.n saale sab ke sab

Film : Maachis

Year of release : 1996

Spoken by : Commander (Kulbhushan Kharbanda)

Spoken to : Sanatan (Om Puri)

Dialogue writer : Gulzar

I love the way Kulbhushan chews every words and then spits it out.

The commander of the terrorist force spends most of his day at office driving a truck. His team members get into the truck, take orders and disperse after that. In one such transaction, Sanatan gets into his truck, and Commander tells him that Kedar Nath (a political leader) is visiting their town Manikaran on 13th March. Commander tells him that he is the same leader, who was an accused (as a ringleader) in the '84 Delhi riots. He had now become an MP and a central minister. Sanatan enquires whether he is the same leader  who had once been attacked by their group member Jimmy (Jimmy Shergill).  Commander replies in the affirmative and tells him that Kedar Nath was visiting a religious shrine to pay his respects. It is of course hypocritical, because he led mobs to murder many people of a particular religion and later when he becomes a minister, he goes to the religious shrines of the same religion. "To pay respects"! Commander comments on this action of Kedar Nath with a cynical line, before getting into the details of the plot to assassinate Kedar Nath.

"Draamebaaz hai.n saale sab ke sab. Acting karte rahte hai.n"

"ड्रामेबाज़ हैं साले सब के सब. ऍक्टिंग करते रहते हैं"

When I see the politicians and their day to day acts, I am often reminded of this line from Maachis. 

mujhe laDkiyo.n ke dil se koee dilchaspii nahee.n, isiiliye to aaj tak zindaa hoo.n

Film : Don
Year of release : 1978
Spoken by : Don (Amitabh Bachchan)
Spoken to : Sonia/Kamini (Helen)
Dialogue writer : Salim Javed


This line comes in the scene just before the song "Yeh mera dil". The 2006 version dropped this line while retaining the earlier, 'romantic baate.n mujhe bahut bore kartee hai.n' line. So I thought I might bring up this line up. Ideal time. Valentine season!

Sonia (Kamini) responds to Don's 'romantic baate.n' jibe with this line -

"insaan ye jaan saktaa hai ki chaand aur sooraj me.n kyaa chhupaa hai, lekin ye kabhii naheen jaan saktaa, ki ek laDkii ke dil me.n kyaa chhupaa hai."

Don continues in his laconic way, with this line -

"mujhe laDkiyon ke dil se koee dilchaspii nahee.n, iseeliye to aaj tak zindaa hoo.n....  oh god getting late."

"मुझे लडकियों के दिल से कोई दिलचस्पी नहीं, इसीलिये तो आज तक ज़िन्दा हूं"

Boloo.ngaa to maa.n maregii, nahee.n boloo.ngaa to baap kuttaa khaaegaa

Film : Sadhu aur Shaitan

Year of release : 1968

Spoken by : Bajrangi (Mehmood)

Spoken to : Inspector (Anwar Hussain)

Dialogue writer : Rajinder Krishan

This film is among the countless Nagesh remakes that Mahmood starred in. If you ever get the chance, see the original with subtitles. Nagesh was at least 23 times better than Mahmood. Great actor. This particular film was a remake of the 1966 Tamil hit Saadhu MiranDaal. They repeated the panchratna naaTak manDali of Padosan fame in this film too. Both came out around the same time, but PaDosan (which was also a remake of a Bengali/Tamil film) became more popular.

The police is inquiring from all taxi drivers about having ferried a passenger of a certain description. Bajrangi, who is a taxi driver, has ferried the passenger that the police is looking for. However, that passenger had threatened to slit his throat if he squealed to the police. Now when the police inspector (Anwar Hussain) threatens to beat him black and blue, if he does not reveal the details, he cries out in anguish -

"yeh to achchhee baat huee saab, boloo.ngaa to maa.n maregii; nahee.n boloo.ngaa to baap kuttaa khaaegaa"

"ये तो अच्छी बात हुई साहब, बोलूंगा तो मां मरेगी; नहीं बोलूंगा तो बाप कुत्ता खाएगा"

The inspector shrieks in anger 

"kiskaa baap kuttaa khaayegaa?"

Bajrangi explains with this story. A boy watches his mother prepare dog's meat for his father. At dinner time when the meat is served on the table, the son is at sixes and sevens. Damned if he says it, damned if he doesn't. If he reveals the secret, his father will kill his mother in anger, if he does not his father will end up eating dog meat. That very dilemma is conveyed in this dialogue

"boloongaa to maa.n maregii; nahee.n boloongaa to baap kuttaa khaaegaa"

Interesting to note that dog meat is considered a delicacy in some parts of India (like Nagaland) and many other countries (like China and Korea), but it is prohibited in Islamic and Jewish dietary laws. So generally in India eating dog meat is considered offensive. But to those people who consider it a delicacy, this dialogue will be meaningless. It will also be offensive to vegetarians. 

But the story is still interesting, so I have put this line up. 

aur main koee vaalmiki to naheeN jo Daake chhoDe haiN to ramayan likh dii

Film : Haath ki Safaai

Year of release : 1974

Spoken by : Shankar (Vinod Khanna)

Spoken to :  Kamini (Hema Malini)

Dialogue writer : Salim Javed

It was Vaalmiki Jayanti yesterday. You would have faced a lot of traffic jams if you were in Delhi yesterday. Reminded me of this Salim Javed line that I have been planning to post for a while. Vaalmiki was of course famous for having written the epic Ramayan. But the other famous fact about him was that he was a highwayman who used to rob and kill travellers. He later (after a chance encounter with Narada) reforms and gives up robbery and takes to writing. When I see the kind of advances paid to ordinary writers these days, I can understand the thought behind this career switch. :)

The film is called Haath Ki Safaai and Shankar plays a crook in the film. Kamini is running away from Shankar when she realises that he is a crook and while trying to hide from his men and him, she goes and seeks refuge in his house without realising it. Shankar's wife Roma (Simi Garewal) sees a woman in distress and agrees to give her refuge. But very soon Kamini sees a large framed photo of Shankar in the hall and without realising that she could have walked into the wrongest house possible, she blurts out to Roma that the man in the photo is a goon. Roma refuses to believe and asks her to leave the house. As Kamini leaves the house, she is chased by Shankar and just as Shankar is about to get to Kamini, Roma (who must have been quietly following them) steps in and confronts Shankar. However, the strain of the situation is too much for Roma and she faints. Kamini helps Shankar to tend to Roma, till she has stabilised.

Later when Shankar sees that Kamini is still in the house, he apologises to her. He says,

"kaamini, maine jo tumhaare saath ab tak sulooq kiyaa hai tum... Khair, maafii maangnee to bahut aasaan hai, aur mai.n koii vaalmiiki to nahee.n, jo Daake chhoDe hai.n to raamaayaN likh dee. Romaa ne tumhe.n is ghar me.n panaah dii hai, jab tak tum chaaho, yahaa.n rah saktee ho. "

"कामिनी, मैंने जो तुम्हारे साथ अब तक सुलूक़ किया है, तुम...ख़ैर, माफ़ी मांगनी तो बहुत आसान है, और मैं कोई वाल्मीकि तो नहीं, जो डाके छोडे हैं तो रामायण लिख दी. रोमा ने तुम्हें इस घर में पनाह दी है, जब तक तुम चाहो, यहां रह सकती हो."

Now this situation is not all that great. But I quite like the line. The point being made is that it is not so easy for everyone to walk on the path of reform. Society might not be so kind to you. It might not give you another chance easily. Imagine a typical HR executive interviewing Valmiki.

"Well I see from your CV, that you have been a highwayman. And now you want to be a writer. How do you explain that?"

And the interview would have ended with the inevitable "We will get back to you". :)

If HR guys had been around then, we might not have had any RaamayaN.

aur meri bhee tabeeyat kucchh Theek naheen rahtii

Film : Mere Apne

Year of release : 1971

Spoken by : Biloki Prasad (Asit Sen)

Spoken to : Audience at political meeting

Dialogue writer : Gulzar

It is election time and the two rival candidates are Biloki Prasad and Anokhe Lal (Mehmood). The former is assisted by Shyam (Vinod Khanna) and the latter by Chhainoo (Shatrughan Sinha). Asit Sen, who is normally parodied by most mimicry artistes for his peculiar style of dialogue delivery and his girth, is also a very good actor with excellent comic timing. See this film (or rather this scene), for evidence  of that. So in this political meeting, our great politician starts speaking. And what does he say,

"bhaiyo aur behno desh ke bahut bure din aa gaye hain"

"भाईओ और बहनो, देश के बहुत बुरे दिन आ गए हैं"

"aaj hamaare beech panDit jee naheen hain ...neta ji naheen hain...gandhiji naheen hain..."

"आज हमारे बीच पंडित जी नहीं हैं...नेता जी नहीं हैं...गान्धी जी नहीं हैं..."

Then he takes a pause for effect and delivers the punch line. 

"aur meri bhee tabeeyat kucchh Theek naheen rahtii"

"और मेरी भी तबीयत कुछ ठीक नहीं रहती"

Asit Sen's delivery of this line has made this line walk into this blog. Otherwise I generally avoid joke punchlines. 

This is also a famous technique used in sales - called equation by association. If one goes to buy a TV,  the shopkeeper will say something like...

Sir this is Sony TV. Costs 20k. This is Panasonic. Costs 19.5k. And this is Pappu TV. This costs 16k. 

wanted honaa unwanted hone se hameshaa achchhaa hotaa hai

Film : Kala Dhandha Goray Log

Year of release : 1986

Spoken by : Raja (Sanjay Khan)

Spoken to : Durgadas Jethia (Anupam Kher)

Dialogue writer : Dr. Rahi Masoom Raza

This was  Sanjay Khan's last film as an actor, before he decided to move to television and spas. Of course, I keep mentioning this fact, his real name is Abbas Khan and the screen name he was given was Sanjay (not Sanjay Khan). It was only in these later films that the screen titles started calling him Sanjay Khan. 

Durgadas is a mafia don. He is meeting Raja for the first time. When he meets Raja, he says,

"tumse milne ka baDaa shauq thaa. dekhanaa chaahataa thaa wo aadmii kaisaa hai jiskaa naam police aur customs dono.n kee wanted list me.n sabase oopar hai"

And since this is Sanjay Khan's introduction shot in the film and he also happens to be the producer, he gave himself a great line. 

"wanted honaa, unwanted hone se hameshaa achchhaa hotaa hai durgaadas."

"वॉंटिड होना, अनवॉंटिड होने से हमेशा अच्छा होता है दुर्गादास" 

muhabbat aur maut me.n yahii hotaa hai

Film : Nagin

Year of release : 1976

Spoken by : Nagin in the form of Rajkumari (Mumtaz)

Spoken to : Raj (Feroz Khan)

Dialogue writer : Inder Raj Anand

This was advertised as Mumtaz's last film (even the credit titles say so). And she did disappear after this film before reappearing almost 2 decades later in Aandhiyaan. The ichchhaadhaarii naag and naagin (serpents who can assume any form at will) are blessed with the ability to capture the image of their partner's killer in their eyes and do not rest till they eliminate them. So Reena Roy captures the image of these poor hunks in her mind, and eliminates them one by one. 

Her second last target is Raj. She assumes the form of a girl who could end up being Raj's wife. Although Raj is paranoid by now, having lost so many friends, the naagin still manages to trick him into believing that she is Rajkumari. She plants a poisonous kiss on Raj's lips. As his vision clouds, he tells her,

"tumhaaraa chehraa dhundhlaa dhundhlaa saa..."

She says

"tumhaarii aankho.n ke chiraaG zaraa dheeme paD gaye hai.n"

He has not yet realised, that he has been poisoned. He asks,

"kyo.n?"

She replies,

"muhabbat aur maut me.n yahii hotaa hai"

"मुहब्बत और मौत में यही होता है"

Death and love cloud the vision. Fantastic line.

Bhauchaal kee jab aamad aamad hotee hai, to sab se pehle kutto.n ke kaan khaDe hote hai.n

Film : Raaj Tilak

Year of release : 1984

Spoken by : Samad Khan (Raj Kumar)

Spoken to : Bhavaani Singh (Ajit)

Dialogue writer : Inder Raj Anand

This is a typical Raj Kumar Kohli multi-starrer set in a kingdom and replete with typical intrigue and cloak and dagger stuff. Notable for the fact that his son Armaan Kohli makes an appearance as Saarika's younger brother. Funny I used the word notable.

Samad Khan is a loyal commander of the king, but Bhavaani Singh plots and tries to overthrow the king. When the coup fails, he puts the blame on Samad Khan and has him branded as a traitor. Years later, Samad Khan is in a position to get his own back. When he meets Bhavaani Singh, Bhavaani recognises the voice. He says

"tumhaaree aawaaz. tumhaaree soorat... samad... samad Khaan?"

"तुम्हारी आवाज़, तुम्हारी सूरत...समद...समद ख़ान?"

Samad responds with this line. I used to love this line as a kid. The beauty of this dialogue is the way Raj Kumar delivers it. He warns Bhavaani about his impending doom and brands him as a dog - because he has been able to identify the portents of his doom. Now read the line.

"achchhaa huaa jo toone mujhe pehchaan liyaa bhavaani. Bhauchaal kee jab aamad aamad hotee hai, to sab se pehle kutto.n ke kaan khaDe hote hai.n"

"अच्छा हुआ जो तूने मुझे पहचान लिया भवानी. भौचाल की जब आमद आमद होती है, तो सबसे पहले कुत्तों के कान खडे होते हैं."

भौंचाल or भौचाल is an acceptable alternative for the normally used word for earthquake - भूचाल. But this is the only place where I have heard it used thus.

doosre ko nahee.n uDne doongii

Film : Garm Havaa

Year of release : 1974

Spoken by : Amina (Gita later Gita Kak)

Spoken to : Shamshaad (Jalal Agha)

Dialogue writer : Kaifi Azmi

This was a brilliant film based on Ismat Chughtaii's short story. It is the story of a Muslim family which runs a shoe-making business in Agra circa 1948. Gradually all the relatives of Salim Mirza (Balraj Sahni) leave for Pakistan fearing discrimination in India. There are some very poignant scenes. During a family discussion where everyone is discussing a future in Pakistan; the youngest kid - 5 year old Munna asks a fantastic question

"abbaji pakistan me.n patang uDtee hai?"

For him all the other politico-religious questions were meaningless. Anyway, there were many such moments in this film. If you haven't seen it, do see it. 

Salim Mirza's daughter Amina is engaged to be married to her cousin Kazim. However,  Kazim too migrates to Pakistan. He does come back to take her away, but by then he is 'persona non grata' in India - because he is a Pakistani. He forgets to inform the local police station of his arrival and he is arrested and deported. He does not come back. 

Shamshaad is another local boy who is interested in Amina. But she is not interested in him. However, during one trip to the historical places around Agra, Shamshaad acts as a guide. He tries to put forth his suit repeatedly before Amina. But she spurns him. At a particular historical location, he stops and tells Amina a story of the Mughal Kingdom. The story goes like this -

"jaantee ho ek din, usee jagah par jahaan tum khaDee ho, Mehrunnisaa khaDee thee. 

aur yahaa.n. yahaa.n Saliim khaDaa thaa. uske dono.n haatho.n me.n kabootar the.

itne me.n jahaanpanaah ne Saliim ko yaad kiyaa. to Saliim ne dono.n kabootar uske haath me.n thamaa diye.

aur jab vo lauT ke aayaa...to usne dekhaa ki ek kabootar Gaayab thaa. to usne Mehrunnisa se poochhaa -

doosraa kabootar?

to Mehrunnisaa ne kahaa...vo to uD gayaa!

"जानती हो, एक दिन, उसी जगह पर जहां तुम खडी हो, मेहरुन्निसा खडी थी. और यहां, यहां सलीम खडा था. उसके दोनों हाथों में कबूतर थे. इतने में जहांपनाह ने सलीम को याद किया. तो सलीम ने दोनों कबूतर उसके हाथ में थमा दिये. और जब वो लौट कर आया...तो उसने देखा कि एक कबूतर ग़ायब था. तो उसने मेहरुन्निसा से पूछा - दूसरा कबूतर?

तो मेहरुन्निसा ने कहा...वो तो उड गया!

"Saliim ne poochhaa vo kaise? usne kahaa, aise..."

"सलीम ने पूछा वो कैसे? उसने कहा, ऐसे..."

And Shamshaad starts to make the gesture of releasing an imaginary pigeon. Right at that moment, Amina holds his hands and stops him from releasing the imaginary pigeon, and says,

"doosre ko nahee.n uDne doongee!"

"दूसरे को नहीं उडने दूंगी!" 

Few Hindi films have such parables included in them. 

iske maa baap tang aa chuke the

Film : Disha

Year of release : 1990

Spoken by : Soma Sarpat (Raghuvir Yadav)

Spoken to : Visitor (unknown)

Dialogue writer : Sai Paranjpe 

Karim Asif is considered a legend, though the only film he effectively made was Mughal-e-Aazam. Then why can't Sai Paranjpe be right on top of the list, just for Chashme Baddoor, Sparsh and Katha. Sometimes I don't understand the way our film critics work. Most people who talk about Mughal e Aazam haven't even seen the film (and don't understand half the dialogues), but yet it's a cult classic. Karim Asif is legendary. While it does help to have Dilip Kumar's kid sister as a wife, to be called legendary, but some categorisations are plain unfair. No, I have nothing against K Asif. I am a big fan myself (a look at this blog will tell you that). But Sai Paranjpe deserves more. I hope she gets it. 

The reason I wrote the earlier paragraph was to establish that Sai Paranjpe is underrated. And Disha is an underrated Sai Paranjpe film. 

A visitor comes to Soma's village. He comes to meet Soma. While he is waiting for him, he sees a few kids around. He asks them

"kyaa naam hai tum logo.n ke?"

The first one says 'Sharmila'. The second one says 'Jeetendra'. The third one says 'Amitabh' and the fourth and the youngest one says 'Kaddoo'. Yes you read that right. That's Hindi for pumpkin. A much loved and an equally hated vegetable. 

Surprised at this anti-climactic name, the visitor asks the kid, 

'Kaddoo kyo.n bhai?'

At that point Soma walks in and says by way of clarification, 

'jab tak ye paidaa huaa, iske maa baap tang aa chuke the'

'जब तक ये पैदा हुआ, इसके मां बाप तंग आ चुके थे'

This film is worth seeing just for this line. I haven't laughed more during a scene in my life. If you read between the lines, it is an amazing advertisement for family planning, delivered in an absolutely non-threatening way. If I was the Minister for Health and Social Welfare, I would use this scene as an ad, and use the tagline, 

'stop at Amitabh, before you land up with 'kaddoo''

As the ward boy in Munnabhai MBBS says - mai.n bhii soch rahaa hoo.n health minister ban jaaoo.n. 

Baandra ka bhaav bolo baap landan kaa nahee.n

Film : Jalwaa

Year of release : 1987

Spoken by : Inspector Kapil (in disguise)

Spoken to : Drug dealer

Dialogue writer : Kamalesh Pandey

There is a plethora of malls in and around Delhi now. In fact they are there all over India. Every luxury international brand is freely available in India now. However, most visitors end up not even window shopping at these shops (with the kind of names these shops have). The reason could be that they would have walked in to ask the price of an innocent looking hand bag with a name that sounds like सूई खींचों and would have been told that this 8x6 inch handbag costs 1.3 lac rupees. Their gut reaction would be what this character said 24 years ago. But these shops flourish because there are many in this country who don't mind paying that kind of money. But we'll let all that be. 

Kapil is an inspector who has vowed to rid Goa of its drug culture. Ostensibly, he failed or else we might not have seen the film Dum Maaro Dum this year. This film was inspired from the Eddie Murphy flick The Beverly Hills Cop and saw the arthouse Naseer crossover to commercial cinema after pumping some serious iron. 

Kapil goes to a drug dealer in disguise - as a handicapped old man. The dealer can't resist taking a shot at his age. He tells the dealer

"dekho saahab maskharii nahee.n. bhaav bolo bhaav bolo. "

The dealer says,

"ram kaa bees rupaye kvaarter. shyaam kaa das rupayaa."

Kapil acts surprised. And then comes up with this classic line, which you can use with the mall guys when they quote their rates. 

"brown sugar kaa das rupaya! are bandra ka bhaav bolo baap landan kaa nahee.n"

"ब्राउन शुगर का दस रुपया! अरे बान्द्रा का भाव बोलो बाप लन्दन का नहीं" 

If you are in Delhi, you can use Sadar Bazaar instead of Bandra.

The idea for this post is courtesy a friend who remembered this line, after he had to pay a reasonably heavy bill at a restaurant. I think he wanted to use this line with the waiter, but unfortunately he ended up leaving a tip on top of the billed amount. :)

Vaise bhii chor log chashmaa nahee.n pahantaa

Film : Hera Pheri 

Year of release : 2000

Spoken by : Baburao Ganpatrao Apte (Paresh Rawal)

Spoken to : Raju (Akshay Kumar) 

Dialogue writer : Neeraj Vora

Shyam (Sunil Shetty) and Raju have an interesting misunderstanding whereby both think the other person is a thief, a pick pocket. Shyam realises later that Raju was not a thief, but Raju still believes Shyam to be a thief. After this misunderstanding, Shyam lands up at Baburao's house (where Raju is already a tenant) and takes a room on rent. The moment Raju sees Shyam, he shouts at him and tells Baburao that Shyam is a thief. Shyam says he is not a thief. Baburao anyway does not trust Raju too much as he has defaulted in payment of rent for over 6 months. So he decides to believe Shyam. But once he has handled Raju, he quietly asks Shyam.

ae, ek baat bataa. tu sachmuch chor nahee.n hai naa?

ए, एक बात बता, तू सचमुच चोर नहीं है ना?

nahee.n babu bhaiyya! (says Shyam)

नहीं बाबू भैय्या!

And then comes Baburao's slam dunk line.

haa.n vaise bhii chor log chashmaa nahee.n pahantaa. 

हाँ, वैसे भी चोर लोग चशमा नहीं पहनता. 

And then as evidence of this new found trust, he gives Shyam some money and asks him to get a 'khambaa' (bottle of country liquor) for him. 

There are some home truths like this, that a lot of people believe in. That if you see a person wearing glasses, he has got to be respectable! Read another such interesting theory in this earlier post.