lekin kaam kuchh aisaa hai, ki mujhe aise hee aadmiyo.n kee zaroorat hai

Film : Sholay

Year of release : 1975

Spoken by : Thakur Baldev Singh (Sanjeev Kumar)

Spoken to : Jailor (Vikas Anand)

Dialogue writer : Salim Javed

I have always held that the entire screenplay of Sholay would walk into this blog. This is a classic line for an HR person writing a JD, or a line manager asking for a particular type of candidate. Because sometimes even in hardcore corporate jobs, unconventional people are required. 

This is the opening sequence of this great movie which will soon be released in 3D. I hope they do a good job technically. This is a film that deserves to be remade, recreated, digitally enhanced, etc etc etc. 

Thakur asks Ramlal to show a photo to the jailor and asks him if he recognises the men in the photo.

"inhe.n pehchaante hai.n aap?"

The Jailor responds with,

"Thakur sahab shayad hee koee aisaa jail ho, jisme.n ye dono.n naa gaye ho.n. ye veeru hai aur ye jaidev. dono.n ke dono.n pakke badmaash. ek nambar ke chor. chha.nTe hue GunDe hai.n"

Then with a sigh, Thakur comes up with this gem,

"jaantaa hoo.n lekin kaam kuchh aisaa hai, ki mujhe aise hee aadmiyo.n kee zaroorat hai"

"जानता हूं, लेकिन काम कुछ ऐसा है, कि मुझे ऐसे ही आदमियों की ज़रूरत है"

The discussion continues with the jailor saying that he does not know what kind of job he wants them for, but they are rotten to the core. Or as he puts it, 

"khoTaa sikkaa to dono.n hee taraF se khoTaa hotaa hai"

Thakur comes up with another gem,

"sikke aur insaan me.n shaayad yahee farq hai"

"सिक्के और इंसान में शायद यही फ़र्क़ है"

Beewii ho... to har masalaa TeRhaa hotaa hai

Film: Shatranj ke Khilari

Year of release : 1977

Spoken by : Mirza Sajjad Ali (Sanjeev Kumar)

Spoken to : Meer Roshan Ali (Saeed Jaffrey)

Khurshid (Shabana Azmi), Mirza's wife, is constantly angry at Mirza's long hours spent on playing chess. She is very demonstrative of her displeasure. On one such occasion when her feathers have been ruffled, the Mirza goes in to soothe her. When he comes back, Mir asks him if he managed to soothe his wife and remarks

"baRa TeRha masalaa hai"

"बड़ा टेढ़ा मसला है"

Mirza heaves a long sigh and says

"beewii ho meer saahab, to har masalaa, TeRhaa hotaa hai"

"बीवी हो मीर साहब, तो हर मसला टेढ़ा होता है"

I am sure many of the married men would agree with this.

AnTaa Gafeel ho gayee

This is Gulzar again. From the movie Aandhi. Aarti Devi (Suchitra Sen) is the daughter of Mr K Bose (Rehman) who is a prominent personality. Bose has great political ambitions for his daughter Aarti. The allusion is very clearly to Nehru and Indira. Though the censor board of that time, insisted on a scene where the two of them i.e. Bose and Aarti, look at a photo of Indira and Aarti says

woh to merii ideal hai

वो तो मेरी ideal है

Aandhi is the story of how a woman's ambition comes in the way of her happy married life. As a man, I found it hard to digest some of the chauvinistic statements made. I think women would squirm. The story is of a woman Aarti (who has political ambitions) and a hotelier JK (who wants a wife who can take care of the home and hearth). The woman choses career over husband and daughter, later repents, and finally comes back. Hell, the writer/director even make Aarti touch the feet of JK in the end.

In a party, Aarti’s drink is laced with alcohol, by a trouble monger. She is in a drunken stupor and decides that it would be better if she spent the night in a hotel. She lands up in JK (Sanjeev Kumar)’s hotel and JK helps her to her room. In the morning, when JK recounts her nocturnal escapade. He uses this phrase to tell Aarti that she had just collapsed in drunken stupor. I just love the phrase

‘अंटा गफील हो गयी...’

Saeed Jaffrey uses this phrase in Chashme Baddoor when he tell Ravi Baswani that he has devoured his money

पैसे अंडा गफ़ील कर लिये है ...
Whereas JK says ‘अंटा गफ़ील’. Aandhi is written by Kamleshwar and Gulzar, whereas Chashme Baddoor is written by Sai Paranjpe. I think I will go with the former. Though I would use the option to the readers to use either of the two.

Tab tak laRkaa taiyyaar chaahiye

This is another beautiful line from the 1975 movie Aandhi. Although I think Suchitra Sen was an example of extremely bad casting. All the dialogues were mauled, molested and trampled twice over by her. But probably that was an effect Gulzar desired. There must be some creative satisfaction in writing great lines and seeing them trampled to death. Anyways, this is a beautiful scene where Aarti (Suchitra Sen) sends a telegram to her husband JK (Sanjeev Kumar) to tell him that she is pregnant. JK works as an Assistant Manager in a hotel and both of them stay together in the same house. Yet she sends him a telegram. JK receives the telegram when he reaches the reception of the hotel and is about to relieve his colleague. When he reads it, he breaks into a broad smile. He tells his colleague the news. After the customary congratulations, the colleague asks JK if he wants to respond. JK asks his colleague to reply with a telegram congratulating her and adding that he would reach by nine thirty that evening and then he delivers this classic line
“मैं शाम को साढे नौ बजे तक पहुंच जाऊंगा. तब तक लड़का तैयार चाहिये”
When his colleague ribs him that this wasn’t possible, JK retorts with
“You don’t know my wife यार. वो महीनों का काम दिनों मे करती है. She will do it just like that!”

So whenever you want a complex and long gestation project to be done quickly, you could use this line. ‘तब तक लड़का तैयार चाहिये’
A person I used to work with – while working on a project with a stiff deadline – sent me an sms which said – “A boss is a person who thinks that nine women working together can deliver a child in one month”. This line reminded me of that statement.

Jab tum achchhaa kehtii ho to bahut hee achchaa lagtaa hai

Time to go back to Gulzar. This is one of my favourite lines ever. Featured in one of Gulzar's seminal movies - Aandhi (1975). The film is based on a female politician - Aarti Devi (played by Suchitra Sen) and her relationship with a hotelier - JK (Sanjeev Kumar). In this particular scene, Aarti is listening to JK reciting poetry over the phone. When he has finished reciting it, he asks Aarti - achchee hai naa?

Aarti reaffirms - "Bahut achchee hai"

JK says "Pataa hai...jab tum achchaa kehtii ho ...bahut hee achchaa lagtaa hai"

"पता है ...जब तुम अच्छा कहती हो ...बहुत ही अच्छा लगता है"

The line is pretty straightforward if you look at it. The male protagonist recited a poem, the female protagonist confirms her approval. But then the male protagonist says, that the approval - the praise becomes ten times more powerful and relevant when it comes from the female protagonist. And that is where lies the proverbial usage of this line. We all have our soft spots or hot spots or whatever else it is that HR calls it these days. These are things that motivate us. You could call them our drivers. Sometimes these 'things' that motivate us - these 'drivers' are not abstract but personified as individuals. So we like it when 'so and so' praises us. Whereas the same praise when received from another individual does not have the same impact. We all have people whose approval we cherish. Whose praise is something we look forward to. Or as JK said

"जब तुम अच्छा कहती हो ...तो बहुत ही अच्छा लगता है"

Munh meraa dhulvaayaa aur rickshaw uskaa le gaye

Like Hrishikesh Mukherjee a few posts back, this time Gulzar makes his debut. The line featured is from the movie Angoor. This 1982 movie was based on Shakespeare's classic play - Comedy of Errors. Of course the entire film is full of situations where one twin is mistaken for the other and that gives rise to situational comedy. The fact that there are two twins makes it doubly hilarious. The film has great lines like

"जो घुटनों को ज़ानो कहता है वो अशोक कुमार को किशोर कुमार कहता होगा"

or

"तुमने मुझे नंगा देखा है??"

Both delivered in that impeccably original style of Sanjeev Kumar, who plays the role of the two Ashoks in the film. One Ashok is married and the other is not. The very premise is hilarious, is it not?

The specific situation here is such that one of the twins (the unmarried Ashok) goes to the auto rickshaw stand early in the morning. He goes to the first auto rickshaw and asks him if he is willing to go Hotel Imperial. The driver says that since he has just got up, he would like to freshen up. Ashok agrees. While he is waiting for the driver to come back, a jeweller (who mistakes him for the married Ashok) forcibly hands him a precious necklace. Ashok tries his best to give it back, but the jeweller just runs away. In the heat of the moment, Ashok hails another passing rickshaw and leaves. Just as he is about to drive away, the driver who had gone to freshen up, comes running back and utters this line

"मुंह मेरा धुलवाया और रिक्शा उसका ले गये"

The literal meaning here is that "I washed my face and you have gone in someone else's rickshaw". But the figurative meaning is that I did all the spadework and when it was time to reap the fruits of my labour you have conveniently decided to give the fruits to someone else. A funny equivalent of this could be

राम स्वरूप ने चोरी की और फलस्वरूप पकडा गया

But on a serious note, there are many situations in our life, where we do all the initial spadework in getting a deal or closing a sale. The prospect understands all the finer points from you, but when it comes to handing over the cheque, he goes and gives it to a competitor. If that happens again, you could say

"मुंह मेरा धुलवाया और रिक्शा उसका ले गये"