iske maa baap tang aa chuke the

Film : Disha

Year of release : 1990

Spoken by : Soma Sarpat (Raghuvir Yadav)

Spoken to : Visitor (unknown)

Dialogue writer : Sai Paranjpe 

Karim Asif is considered a legend, though the only film he effectively made was Mughal-e-Aazam. Then why can't Sai Paranjpe be right on top of the list, just for Chashme Baddoor, Sparsh and Katha. Sometimes I don't understand the way our film critics work. Most people who talk about Mughal e Aazam haven't even seen the film (and don't understand half the dialogues), but yet it's a cult classic. Karim Asif is legendary. While it does help to have Dilip Kumar's kid sister as a wife, to be called legendary, but some categorisations are plain unfair. No, I have nothing against K Asif. I am a big fan myself (a look at this blog will tell you that). But Sai Paranjpe deserves more. I hope she gets it. 

The reason I wrote the earlier paragraph was to establish that Sai Paranjpe is underrated. And Disha is an underrated Sai Paranjpe film. 

A visitor comes to Soma's village. He comes to meet Soma. While he is waiting for him, he sees a few kids around. He asks them

"kyaa naam hai tum logo.n ke?"

The first one says 'Sharmila'. The second one says 'Jeetendra'. The third one says 'Amitabh' and the fourth and the youngest one says 'Kaddoo'. Yes you read that right. That's Hindi for pumpkin. A much loved and an equally hated vegetable. 

Surprised at this anti-climactic name, the visitor asks the kid, 

'Kaddoo kyo.n bhai?'

At that point Soma walks in and says by way of clarification, 

'jab tak ye paidaa huaa, iske maa baap tang aa chuke the'

'जब तक ये पैदा हुआ, इसके मां बाप तंग आ चुके थे'

This film is worth seeing just for this line. I haven't laughed more during a scene in my life. If you read between the lines, it is an amazing advertisement for family planning, delivered in an absolutely non-threatening way. If I was the Minister for Health and Social Welfare, I would use this scene as an ad, and use the tagline, 

'stop at Amitabh, before you land up with 'kaddoo''

As the ward boy in Munnabhai MBBS says - mai.n bhii soch rahaa hoo.n health minister ban jaaoo.n. 

bandook bhii dikhaataa hai aur peechhe bhii haTtaa hai

Film : Agnipath

Year of release : 1990

Spoken by : Vijay Deenanath Chauhan (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to : Kaancha Cheena (Danny Denzongpa)

Dialogue writer : Kader Khan

One of my pet peeves about this film is that everyone calls it Agneepath. While the Johars might have numerological reasons to do so, the people who speak the language have no such reasons. It is, and shall remain for all times to come - AGNIPATH. Now that I have ranted, we get back to this line.

This is a film that got Mr Bachchan his first National Award, though it seemed like the kind of film which justified taking back all rewards given until then. I liked Danny much more than Amitabh and the lesser said about Krishnan Iyer yum yay the better. Roles where accents are required should generally be given to people who either have a neutral accent or the required accent. Mithun has not been able to speak Hindi properly all his life, and he dares to attempt a Tamil accent. Oh the miseries heaped upon us by M/s Johar and Anand. Since both of them are dead, I shall say nothing further.

But I have met a lot of people who adore this film. This film has been part of growing up for many of my friends (like Shiva for me). And I cannot ignore such overwhelming feedback.

Hence I have seen this movie three more times to see what they see in it. I have now put it down to their oculists. But I cannot deny that there are some interesting and stylised lines in this film.

Towards the end, Vijay lures Kaanchaa to his old village and once he has set his trap, he reveals to Kaancha that he is actually the son of Master Deenanath (the man who was brutally lynched to death by Kaancha's henchmen), A cornered Kaancha takes out his revolver and simultaneously, almost instinctively, backs up a few steps. He says

"tumko bhii pataa nahee.n chalegaa, ki kitnee jaldee tum maasTar dinaanaath ke raaste pe chal paDe ho. "

"ei...kaanchaa...saalaa bandook bhii dikhaataa hai aur peechhe bhii haTtaa hai. hai.n. peechhe nahee.n haTne kaa kaanchaa. "

"एई...कांचा...साला बन्दूक भी दिखाता है और पीछे भी हटता है. हैं. पीछे नहीं हटने का कांचा."

Having observed a lot of street fights, I do know one thing. Having a weapon does not always give you the confidence to attack. The confidence to attack or the killer instinct comes naturally. There is a great Damini dialogue about that. I will feature that later. 

Haathii agar baiTh bhee jaaye to gadhe se oonchaa hotaa hai

Film : Baap Numberi Beta Dus Numberi
Year of release : 1990
Spoken by : Raman (Kader Khan)
Spoken to : Prasad (his son played by Shakti Kapoor)

This line is often used by me while referring to the financial markets and its constituents. I will come to that in a moment. Now both father and son are in a constant game of oneupmanship in this movie. Prasad goes and fraudulently collects gold from Raman's locker. In the meantime, Raman cleans out the balance in Prasad's account fraudulently. He calls up Prasad to tell him this and also tells him that the gold that Prasad has taken is fake. So the father is reiterating to the son that even if the son grows up he will not really match up to the father. He puts it beautifully

"Haathii agar baiTh bhee jaaye to gadhe se oonchaa hotaa hai"
"हाथी अगर बैठ भी जाये तो गधे से ऊंचा होता "

Now let me tell you my financial markets analogy. There are two common financial assets that people invest in - debt and equity. Now if you invest in debt, the growth is more steady, whereas in equity the journey is more volatile. But even if equity tanks very badly, over a 10 year term it would still end up giving more returns than debt. This has been my experience in the Indian markets over the last 20 years. Hence, if someone asks me the question equity or debt, I say this

"हाथी अगर बैठ भी जाये तो गधे से ऊंचा होता "

thook meN bhajiyaa tal rahe ho

Film : Baap Numberi Beta Dus Numberi

Year of release : 1990

Spoken by : Raman (Kader Khan)

Spoken to : Postman (Ram Sethi)

One of the hit conman capers from the Bollywood stable. In this scene, the postman asks Raman for a tip (baKhsheesh) after delivering a money order. Raman who is quite impecunious at all times, makes this telling comment. 

"thook meN bhajiyaa tal rahe ho"

"थूक में भजिया तल रहे हो"

English boltaa hai

Film: Agnipath

Year of release : 1990

Spoken by : Vijay Deenanath Chauhan (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to : Commissioner M S Gaitonde (Vikram Gokhale)

This line was often used by a colleague of mine, whenever he thought someone was using too much English. Although this is not what Bachchan means in the film. We will come to that in a while. It is strange that the Big B today is known more for his 'maaloom' and 'HaiN' mannerism which is entirely from Agnipath. Though he won his first national award for this film, he almost seems like a parody of his own personality. This is the introductory scene of Amitabh in Agnipath. He is sitting in front of the commissioner of police, who is trying to warn him of the dangers of continuing on the path of crime. Vijay gives a lot of 'gyaan' back to the commissioner. I will cover those in some other posts. But as a direct response to Gaitonde's warning, he whips out a diary from his pocket and says

"yeh dekhaa haiN...haaN? aaj shaam 6 baje maut ke saath apenTmenT hai"

then he pauses and asks the commissioner

"English boltaa hai?...abhee chaltaa hai"

"इंग्लिश बोलता है?...अभी चलता है"

Indians have a very strange relationship with the English language. Here is a gangster, who is uneducated and uses one English word. After using the word, he is asking a commissioner of police (who obviously has cleared the civil services exam) if he speaks and understands English. Hilarious. Later in the same film, in the famous 'I am not a goonda' scene, when a waiter walks up to him and says 'excuse me', Vijay goes wild and breaks a few cups and plates and chides the waiter with

"tum kyaa english boltaa hai"

"तुम क्या इंग्लिश बोलता है"

But a great line to use - multiple usages. Use it like my colleague did, or use it like Vijay did. Your choice.

And finally, it is not "Agneepath" but "Agnipath". But then Karan Johar and family does not know too much Hindi. Nor did Mukul S Anand. Surprising though - Amitabh does.

Now that you have read this post, it's my turn to ask you -

"English boltaa hai?...abhee chaltaa hai"

"इंग्लिश बोलता है?...अभी चलता है"