Bhauchaal kee jab aamad aamad hotee hai, to sab se pehle kutto.n ke kaan khaDe hote hai.n

Film : Raaj Tilak

Year of release : 1984

Spoken by : Samad Khan (Raj Kumar)

Spoken to : Bhavaani Singh (Ajit)

Dialogue writer : Inder Raj Anand

This is a typical Raj Kumar Kohli multi-starrer set in a kingdom and replete with typical intrigue and cloak and dagger stuff. Notable for the fact that his son Armaan Kohli makes an appearance as Saarika's younger brother. Funny I used the word notable.

Samad Khan is a loyal commander of the king, but Bhavaani Singh plots and tries to overthrow the king. When the coup fails, he puts the blame on Samad Khan and has him branded as a traitor. Years later, Samad Khan is in a position to get his own back. When he meets Bhavaani Singh, Bhavaani recognises the voice. He says

"tumhaaree aawaaz. tumhaaree soorat... samad... samad Khaan?"

"तुम्हारी आवाज़, तुम्हारी सूरत...समद...समद ख़ान?"

Samad responds with this line. I used to love this line as a kid. The beauty of this dialogue is the way Raj Kumar delivers it. He warns Bhavaani about his impending doom and brands him as a dog - because he has been able to identify the portents of his doom. Now read the line.

"achchhaa huaa jo toone mujhe pehchaan liyaa bhavaani. Bhauchaal kee jab aamad aamad hotee hai, to sab se pehle kutto.n ke kaan khaDe hote hai.n"

"अच्छा हुआ जो तूने मुझे पहचान लिया भवानी. भौचाल की जब आमद आमद होती है, तो सबसे पहले कुत्तों के कान खडे होते हैं."

भौंचाल or भौचाल is an acceptable alternative for the normally used word for earthquake - भूचाल. But this is the only place where I have heard it used thus.

I explain NEVER

Film: Bulundi

Year of release : 1981

Spoken by : Professor Satish Khurana (Raaj Kumar)

Spoken to : Principal (Nitin Sethi)

Raaj Kumar was one of the breed of originals in Bollywood. He was original - even when being ungrammatical. This is a story about a Professor (played by Raaj Kumar) who is approached by some rich men to mend the ways of their wayward sons. He accepts the challenge and does the seemingly impossible job. You can see a very young Rakesh Bedi and Gulshan Grover as college students here and Danny (in probably) the only double role of his career. Raaj Kumar is verbose and bombastic for the most part. He is accused of leaking exam papers to his pupils. The principal (Nitin Sethi) demands an explanation. Prof Khurana responds with

"I never explain. मैं जागे ज़मीर का इंसान हूँ. तशरीह मुल्ज़िम या बुज़्दिल किया करते हैं. I explain NEVER."

The word 'tashreeh' of course means explanation. Raaj Kumar was also fond of intimidating the antagonists with chaste Urdu. Why use bullets when you can use Urdu? Also his style of emphasising on 'never' by placing it at the end of the sentence is most droll. 

A film that will always rank among Danny's top ten performances. And Danny of course is one of the most under rated actors of Bollywood. 

So next time your boss calls you into a cabin and wishes to read the riot act to you; tell your boss, you are one whose conscience is wide awake and such people explain - NEVER. :)

Afsos ke log doodh se bhee jal jaate haiN

Film : Paakeezah
Year of release : 1972
Spoken by : Salim Ahmed Khan (Raaj Kumar)
Spoken to : Hakim saahab (Sapru)

Paakeezah is another film where the writing has what we call 'nafaasat' - a kind of finesse which is very rare in Hindi films. Salim is in front of his family patriarch who has objected to his bringing Saahib Jaan (Meena Kumari) home without determining her pedigree. He has had a similar experience with Shahabuddin (Ashok Kumar) who had, many years ago, brought a woman called Nargis (Meena Kumari again) home. So he says

"Jo log doodh se jal jaate haiN, wo chhaachh bhee phoonk phoonk kar peete haiN"
"जो लोग दूध से जल जाते हैं, वो छाछ भी फूंक फूंक कर पीते हैं"

A visibly irritated Salim retorts with this great line

"Afsos ke log doodh se bhee jal jaate haiN"
"अफ़सोस के लोग दूध से भी जल जाते हैं"

He is referring to the benign nature of milk and using it to hit back at his grandfather's proverb.

This Hindi equivalent of 'once bitten twice shy" is oft used by people. So if it is used in a situation where you disagree, go ahead and say

"अफ़सोस के लोग दूध से भी जल जाते हैं"

Yeh bachchoN ke khelne kee cheez naheeN

Film : Waqt
Year of release : 1965
Spoken by : Raja (Raj Kumar)
Spoken to : Balbir (Madan Puri)

This is a very simple line and it means that ‘this is not child’s play’. But it is part of Raj Kumar’s repertoire and hence has a special flavour.

Raja is one of the three brothers in this lost and found story. He grows up under the tutelage of Chenoy Seth (Rehman) as a thief. As he finds himself falling in love with Meena (Sadhna) his desire to mend his ways increases. This results in friction with Chenoy Seth. In one such meeting, Chenoy’s minion Balbir senses the tension between Raja and Chenoy, and whips out his knife. Just as Chenoy chastises Balbir for this puerile act, Raja walks upto him and dispossesses him of his knife. He heaps scorn on him and says

ये बच्चों के खेलने की चीज़ नहीं ...हाथ कट जाये तो ख़ून निकल आता है

So if you are ever way laid by muggers who happen to whip out knives, walk up coolly to them, dispossess them of their knives and say

“Yeh bachchoN ke khelne kee cheez naheeN”

Jinke apne ghar sheeshe ke hoN woh doosron pe patthar naheeN phenkaa karte

The sixties makes a debut on this blog!

One of my earlier posts had prompted a comment from one of the readers - he had indicated that this line was his favourite. Thought it was time to include it. This is from the 1965 movie Waqt (directed by Yash Chopra - the man who dominates most awards functions these days). Waqt was one of the original multi-starrers and lost and found story. This genre reached its zenith in the 70s and 80s. The movie is about a rich man - Lala Kedarnath (Balraj Sahni) who is destituted and devastated by an earthquake. His three sons are separated and end up in three different vocations. The eldest son Raja (Raj Kumar) becomes a thief, the middle son Ravi (Sunil Dutt) becomes a lawyer. Will leave out the other details - you might want to see the film yourself. Raja's 'boss' is Chenoy Seth (Rehman), who is quite upset with Raja's desire to mend his ways and walk the straight path. So the scene begins when Chenoy tells Raja

"to raaja main jitnee muhabbat kartaa hoon utnee nafrat bhee kar saktaa hoon"

Raja disdainfully and in characteristic style retorts with

"muhabbat aur nafrat...

chinaai seth jinke apne ghar sheeshe ke hon woh doosron par pathar nahee phenkaa karte"

and then he cracks the wine glass that he has been toying with all this while on the table. Chenoy's sidekick whips out a knife which prompts another classic line (but that I will feature later).

The line is pretty much a straightforward translation of the famous English proverb

"Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones at others"

But the charm here is the way Raj Kumar chews and spits out every word. It is said that Raj Kumar was asthmatic and hence had to devise that style to effectively deliver his lines. Reminds that the other great deliverer of dialogues the Big B is also asthmatic.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, it is not a precondition to be asthmatic to say this line. You can say this whenever a person seemingly vulnerable, tries to attack another person. Oblivious to the fact that if he is attacked he would be hurt badly. So if a person himself speaks in borderline English and pokes fun at somebody else's English, you could say

"Chinaai seth, jinke apne ghar sheeshe ke hoN ...woh doosron pe patthar naheeN phenkaa karte"