jiskaa pataa nahii.n hotaa uskaa pataa nahii.n chaltaa

Film : Oye Lucky Lucky Oye

Year of release : 2008

Spoken by : Lucky (Abhay Deol)

Spoken to : Gogi (Paresh Rawal)

Dialogue writer : Manu Rishi

This film was supposed to be based on the life of Bunty Chor (or Davinder Singh). The film was a big disappointment for those who had seen Dibakar's debut - Khosla ka Ghosla. 

Lucky is on a stealing spree and picking up cars and all kinds of stuff for the local don - Gogi. Once when Bangali (Manu Rishi) and Lucky meet him after a successful heist, Gogi asks him where he lives. Bangali says

"car me.n.. aage drawing room, peechhe bedroom"

"कार में. आगे ड्राइंग रूम, पीछे बॅडरूम"

Gogi is very surprised when he hears this. Lucky responds with a pragmatic line

"jiskaa pataa nahii.n hotaa uskaa pataa nahii.n chaltaa"

"जिसका  पता नहीं होता उसका पता नहीं चलता" 

aisa to aadmii life me.n do-ich time bhaagtaa hai

Film : Amar Akbar Anthony

Year of release : 1979

Spoken by : Anthony Gonsalves (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to : Robert (Jeevan)

Dialogue writer : Kader Khan

This was one of my favourite Amitabh Bachchan films when I was a kid. I saw Deewar, Sholay, Trishul and Zanjeer much later!

Kishan Lal (Pran) has become a mafia don and smuggler after usurping the business of Robert (Jeevan). Robert falls upon bad days and becomes a coolie on Kishan's dock. While unloading 'sona', the two meet each other and have kind of a show down. Suddenly the police lead by Kamal Kapoor (Narang of Don) arrive and everyone runs for their lives. Robert escapes with a case of gold and a revolver. Anthony trips Robert while running and stylishly delivers this line

See it here

"aisaa to aadmii life me.n do-ich time bhaagtaa hai, olympic ka race ho ya police ka case ho. tum kaay me.n bhagtaa hai bhaai?"

"ऐसा तो आदमी लाइफ़ में दोइच टाइम भागता है, ओलिम्पिक का रेस हो या पुलीस का केस हो, तुम काय में भगता है भाई?"

This line was a favourite as a kid, along with the famous mirror scene. 

dosti ka ek usool hai maDam no sorry no thank you

Film : Maine Pyaar Kiya

Year of release : 1989

Spoken by : Prem (Salman Khan)

Spoken to : Suman (Bhagyashree)
Dialogue writer : Sooraj R Barjatya

Extremely silly line, but I find a lot of people using it. This was Sooraj Barjatya's take on the tag line for the 1970 film Love Story - Love means never having to say you're sorry. 

Prem meets Suman at his house for the first time and she helps him to get rid of Seema (Pervin Dastur) who is trying to seduce him. When Suman picks up Prem's cap (which has fallen down) and hands it to him, he gives it back to her as a gift. Saying that they are friends since their parents are friends and ...some silly logic he gives. She also buys that logic and says thanks.

Our hero jumps to the occasion and says 

"dosti ka ek usool hai maDam no sorry no thank you"

"दोस्ती का एक उसूल है मैडम, नो सॉरी नो थॅंक यू"

kaunsaa cigarette laaoo.n aap ke liye

Film : Dil Tera Diwana

Year of release : 1962

Spoken by : Diwan Badriprasad acting as Raamdeen driver (Ulhaas)

Spoken to : Mohan and Anokhe (Shammi Kapoor and Mehmood)

Dialogue writer : Pa NeelakanTan and Inder Raj Anand

This was a remake of the 1958 Sivaji Ganesan comedy Sabaash Meena. Great music by Shankar Jaikishan. This scene has subsequently been repeated in various forms in many films. The father is a martinet (Diwan Badriprasad) and the son (Mohan ) seeks some freedom. One day the son plans to sneak away to watch a play with his friend (Anokhe). Diwan senses this and asks the driver to slip away and takes his place. Mohan and Anokhe are oblivious that the driver is in fact Mohan's father. Mohan continues to curse his lack of freedom. They finally ask the driver to go and buy some cigarettes. Diwan is initially shocked at being asked to do that but recovers and turns around and asks the two

"kaunsaa cigarette laaoo.n aap ke liye?"

"कौनसा सिगरेट लाऊँ आपके लिये?"

In unison, both Mohan and Anokhe say

"Five, Five ..." and as they are about to say the last 'five', they see the face of the driver and together jump out of the car window. 

Absolute copy of the Sivaji/Chandrababu/SV Ranga Rao scene and I found the original more delightful. 

woh RaavaN? aapko pareshaan kiyaa? abhii aap dekhnaa hum bhii usko pareshaan kartaa

Film: PaDosan

Year of release : 1968

Spoken by : Master Pillai (Mehmood)

Spoken to : Bindu (Saira Banu)

Dialogue writer : Rajendra Krishan (a rare combo of Rajendra Krishan as lyricist and RD Burman as MD)

This was one of my favourite films as I grew up. I did not see too many films in my first 25 years. This was one of the rare films that we saw in a theatre. The choice that day was between Haathi mere Saathi and PaDosan. And PaDosan was not my choice. I am so glad in retrospect that we did not go for Haathi mere Saathi. 

PaDosan is based on the Bangla film 'Paasher BaaRii" which means 'the house nearby'. Anjali Devi made it into a Tamil film in 1960. The Tamil version was called 'Adutha VeeTTuppeN" which means 'the girl next door'. 8 years later Mehmood (whose entire career is owed to Tamil films in general and Nagesh in particular) took this story and made into one of the lasting classics of Hindi films. 

I will not go into the details of the story. This scene happens when Bindu (Saira Banu) tries to get back at the 'boy next door' or 'uncleji next door' {considering Sunil Dutt was 'I am 38 trying to be 25' when this film was made} through her dance master. She wants her dance master to beat up the loafer next door who has been bothering her. The famous chaturnaar song - which is a competition between Vidyapathi (Kishore Kumar) playbacking for Bhola and Masterji - has already happened. Bhola won that round. 

Now all the provocation of Bindu is not able to get Masterji's anger to rise. She even questions his manhood. In response, Masterji coyly pleads guilty to being a man. Finally she invokes religion. Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. Religion probably is the first. She asks him that when Raavan took Sita away, what did Raam do? Masterji says - he goes to Lanka and defeats Raavan.

'...RaavaN ko aisaa glatten chop maaraa"

Bindu exults that the man has got it finally and quickly says

"haa.n... to tum ek aadmii ko nahee.n maar sakte..."

The now enlightened Masterji says these classic lines

"aiyyaiyyo, aisaa baat kyaaji... aap pehle kyuu.n nahee.n bolaa humko. "

"devii, woh RaavaN? aapko pareshaan kiyaa? abhii aap dekhnaa, hum bhii usko pareshaan kartaa"

and then the fantastic war cry (which means - oi raavan, come here you...)

"dey RaavaN inge vaa Daa nee!"

"अई अई यो, ऐसा बात क्या जी...आप पहले क्यूं नहीं बोला हमको.

देवी.. वो रावण? आपको परेशान किया? अभी आप देखना, हम भी उसको परेशान करता"

'डै रावण, इंगे वाडा नी!" 

Just like Hrishikesh Mukherjee has convinced an entire country that cancer (of any stage) is incurable, Mr Mehmood has convinced all North Indians that no South Indian can speak Hindi properly. But then that is the power of a character. 

hamee.n hum hai.n to kyaa hum hai.n tumhee.n tum ho to kyaa tum ho

Film : Sharmilee

Year of release : 1971

Spoken by : Captain Ajit Kapoor (Shashi Kapoor)

Spoken to : Colleagues at army mess
Dialogue writer : Vrajendra Gaur

This line is actually from a famous Urdu couplet written by the poet Sarshaar. The full couplet which gets quoted in the movie is 

chaman mein iKhtilaat-e-rang-o-buu se baat bantii hai 

hamii.n ham hai.n to kyaa ham hai.n, tumhee.n tum ho to kyaa tum ho

चमन में इख़्तिलात ए रंगो बू से बात बनती है

हमीं हम हैं तो क्या हम हैं, तुम्हीं तुम हो तो क्या तुम हो

The situation is that a few army men are sitting and drinking in the mess. Two of them get into an argument on some small issue. This dialogue marks Shashi's entry in the film, so to defuse the situation he says this couplet.

The amalgamation of various colours and fragrances makes a garden what it is

if it was just your kind or just my kind of fragrances and colours it won't be the same thing

A great line to break up an argument. 

The film by the way has an amazing score by SD Burman. I get gooseflesh just by writing about it. One of his best work for non-Dev Anand, non-Ashok Kumar films. Abhimaan would also rank in that league. Coming back as he was after a debilitating illness, it would have given him a lot of self confidence too. Else it could be quite depressing being unfavourably compared to your one and only son. 

Main aaj se Grihshobha chhoR ke Cosmo paRhoo.ngaa

Film: Housefull
Year of release : 2010
Spoken by : Aarush (Akshay Kumar)
Spoken to : Saundarya Bhagyalakshmi Venkateshwari Basappa Rao aka Sandy (Deepika Padukone)
Dialogue writer : Anvita Dutt Guptan

Here is another director who started out by criticising films (like Khalid Mohammad and Kunal Kohli) and ending up worse than the films he criticised. He should have stuck to being a critic. Housefull was hyped by Sajid Khan as the biggest hit in 2010 - three weeks before the film was released. Sajid said he was interested only in the audience reaction and the audience would surely love his film as he had put the right formulaic elements in the film. He started his film with a dedication to Prakash Mehra, Manmohan Desai, K Raghavendra Rao etc who he seems to hold in high esteem. Three days after the film started slipping at the box office, he released a full page ad saying that all critics had rated the film very well. Talk about volte face. I really get peeved when someone tries to show integrity and character and then does something really petty. I find his sister's films far more honest and funny. This man is what we call in Delhi lingo as a 'sude' - short for pseudo intellectual. But enough of my anger against this man who is so undeserving of it. Probably I feel thus because I paid good money to buy a DVD of this awful and atrocious film. Our film industry managed to burn the prints of Alam Ara. They should use this talent for this film as well. Okay okay no more.

This is an attempt by Sajid Khan to merge the audiences of a high brow magazine like Cosmopolitan with the lower middle class vernacular audience of Grihshobha (so he says himself). But I found this one rare funny moment in this galactically mindless movie.

Sandy falls for Aarush because she thinks that his wife is dead and feels guilty about having slapped him. Aakhri pasta (Chunky Pandey) told her this lie.


However Aarush never told her a lie, he was trying to drown himself in the ocean because his wife left him on he night of the honeymoon. when Devika (Jiah Khan), Aarush's wife,  meets Aarush, he asks for the divorce papers. Sandy realises that Aarush's wife is alive. She goes away in a huff.

Aarush again heads towards the ocean. Ostensibly to drown himself. His friend Babu Rao (Ritesh Deishmukh) and his wife Hetal (Lara Dutta) send him to go after Sandy and win her over.

He goes to the room and Sandy refuses to open. However Aarush tries to maneuver through the next room balcony into Sandy's room.

He slips and is about to fall. Sandy sees it on tv and pulls him up after she realises that Aarush is telling the truth and mischief monger was pasta.

She says that she had read somewhere that if one saves someone his or her life belongs to the saver and not to the person and hence Aarush's life belonged to her.

they hug and make up. then Aarush in a classic comedic moment asks her where did you read that

sandy pauses and says - "In last month's Cosmo"

Aarush says - "I love Cosmo"

and follows that up with the clincher,

"main aajse Grihshobha chhoR ke Cosmo padhoongaa"

The full exchange

"Ab tumhaari jaan tumhaari nahiin. ab tumhaari jaan meri hai, aur tumhe koii haq nahiin bantaa use ganwaane kaa"
"I love you"
"Vaise tumne paRha kahaan thaa"
"pichle maheene ke Cosmo me.n"
"I love Cosmo"
"main aajse Grihshobha chhoR ke Cosmo paRhoongaa"

aaye to usse keh denaa Chhainuu aayaa thaa

Film : Mere Apne

Year of release : 1971

Spoken by : Chhainuu Laal  (Shatrughan Sinha)

Spoken to : Anandi Devi (Meena Kumari)
Dialogue writer : Gulzar

This is an all time classic line. The film is not so great. A remake of Tapan Sinha's Apon Jon. A youthful Shatru (Gambler is another film where you can see him at his youthful best, but this is a bigger role) and the very handsome Vinod Khanna pitted against each other.

Billoo (Dinesh Thakur) was abducted by Raghu (Asrani) who is part of the rival Chhainoo gang. Shyam (Vinod Khanna) goes and rescues him. Later Raghu is rounded up by Billoo and team, but they run away after seeing naani maa or Anandi (Meena Kumari). She takes Raghu home and tends to his wounded leg.

Since she stays in what is a  known hideout of Shyam's gang, Chhainoo and gang land up there to rescue Raghu. The moment he goes in, Raghu stands up and blurts out

"Chhainoo...Billoo .. aur uske saath do aur bhee the"
"छैनू...बिल्लू...और उसके साथ दो और भी थे"

Anandi  says,

"dost hai teraa?... aa baiTh"
"दोस्त है तेरा? ....आ बैठ"

A very angry Chhainoo says

"shaam kahaa.n hai"
"शाम कहां है?"

Anandi who has not really wisened up to the gangwars, naively says

"dekh naa beTe... ye laDke bahut laDte hain aapas me.n...tu to baDaa hai inme.n... inko samjhaataa kyo.n nahee.n...jaane kis baat pe kaTTi kiye baiThe hai.n...too baTTi karaa degaa to ye nahee.n laDenge"
"देख ना बेटे...ये लडके बहुत लडते हैं आपस में...तू तो बडा है इनमें...इनको समझाता क्यों नहीं...जाने किस बात पे कट्टी किये बैठे हैं...तू बट्टी करा देगा तो ये नहीं लडेंगे"

Though Chhainoo is surprised at this warmth, he still persists with

"shaam kahaa.n hai"
"शाम कहां है?"

"wo to biTToo ko lekar dawaakhaane gayaa hai"
"वो तो बिट्टू को लेकर दवाखाने गया है"

"aaye to usse keh denaa chhainoo aayaa thaa...bahut garmee hai khoon me.n to beshaq aa jaaye maidaan me.n..jo hasrat nikaalnee ho wo nikaal le wo, lekin aaindaa...mere kisii laDke ko haath lagaayaa to muhalle kaa muhallaa uDaa ke rakh doo.nga"
"आये तो उससे कह देना छैनू आया था...बहुत ग़र्मी है ख़ून में तो बेशक़ आ जाये मैदान में ...जो हसरत निकालनी हो वो निकाल ले वो...लेकिन आइन्दा मेरे किसी लडके को हाथ लगाया तो मुहल्ले का मुहल्ला उडा के रख दूंगा"

The trade mark rub of the left side of the neck with the right hand today defines any sketch of Shatrughan Sinha. And yes this dialogue too...though many artists use a variant of this 

"Shyaam se kehnaa Chhainoo aayaa thaa. "

But the actual line is,

"aaye to usse keh denaa Chhainuu aayaa thaa"

"आये तो उससे कह देना छैनू आया था"

Main to inko tabse jaantaa hoon jab inke baal safed the

Film : Jeenaa Yahaan

Year of release :  1979

Spoken by : Umesh (Unknown)

Spoken to : Shekhar (Shekhar Kapur)
Dialogue writer : Basu Chatterjee

Shekhar Kapur did a few films with his then girl friend Shabana Azmi. Jeena Yahaan was one of them. Very rarely do real life couples have online chemistry. Dharam-Hema and Rishi-Neetu notable exceptions. Shabana and Shekhar too dont have much going by way of chemistry. Anyways the film was a Basu Chatterjee film. And hence I had to see it. Nothing much to recommend in the movie though. Even Salilda's music was stale. But I love this line.

Shekhar is helping to organise a function marking the inauguration of a new venture of one of his friends. Another friend Umesh (unknown actor and a new member of the group) is also helping out. Mr Mathur (R S Chopra) arrives with his family just then.  Shekhar welcomes him and introduces Mr. Mathur to Umesh.

Shekhar: Umesh, Mathur ko pehchaante ho? उमेश, माथुर को पहचानते हो?

(To Mathur) Umesh, hamaare group kaa nayaa member hai. उमेश, हमारे ग्रूप का नया मॅम्बर है.

Umesh: Mathur ko kaun nahii.n pehchaantaa. Main to inko tabse jaantaa hoon jab inke baal safed the. Kaale to ab huye hain. माथुर को कौन नहीं पह्चानता. मैं तो इनको तबसे जानता हूं जब इनके बाल सफ़ेद थे. काले तो अब हुये हैं

Guffaws and twitters all around and a very red faced Mathur. Good line Mr. Chatterjee. Well done! Can't say that for the rest of the film though.

I'll sue you all in American court

Film : 3 Idiots

Year of release : 2009

Spoken by :  Chatur Ramalingam (Omi Vaidya)

Spoken to : Farhan and Raju (Madhavan and Sharman)
Dialogue writer : Rajkumar Hirani and Abhijat Joshi

The climax of this all time classic - Farhan and Raju are looking for Rancho and when Chatur calls them, they think they have finally found him. But the search turns out to be longer. They are forced to go to Manali and finally to Ladakh. Chatur has an important meeting and refuses to go. Farhan and Raju gag him, tie him up and forcibly take him along. When they reach the home stretch (the beautiful raw beauty of Ladakh), they untie him. As the gag comes off, the first thing that Chatur says ;

"I'll sue you all in American court"

A great line which in one fell swoop trashes the Indian legal system (and rightly so) and communicates the options available with Chatur. Given the Indian legal system and its long pendency, it is an empty threat - if you say "I will sue you". Because the eventual victory (if at all) would by Pyrrhic at best. Now, thanks to this line, this threat suddenly gets potent. So next time, someone has dealt fraudulently or unfairly with you, use this new threat. 

Ek aur ghaRii bhii to hai jo peT me.n chaltii hai

Film: Kinara

Year of release : 1977

Spoken by : Aarti Sanyal (Hema Malini)

Spoken to : Inderjeet (Jeetender)

Actually the 'spoken to' column should say Prakash, because Aarti thinks she is speaking to Prakash, though it is actually Inderjeet. I was reminded of this film recently because the story of the recent Lafangey Parindey is loosely based on Kinara. Though I must add a caveat that I have not seen Lafangey Parindey and hence this need not be taken as authoritative. But I have seen Kinara. It is one of Gulzar's forgettable films with absolutely unforgettable music by RD Burman. Very slow and boring film. No performances worth speaking. Though Hema's dancing skills seem well exploited. But the music is worth its weight in gold.

Coming back to the line, Prakash/Inderjeet drops Aarti (who is blind) home after a visit to the church. As Inderjeet is about to take leave of her, she says, it is already 6 pm, so he might as well have tea before leaving. Inder wonders aloud as to how she knows the time.

I thought she would say 'braille watch' or something like that. But the answer surprised me. I liked it as well. So here it is - for your reading pleasure.

"एक और घड़ी भी तो है जो पेट में चलती है" 

"Ek aur ghaRii bhii to hai jo peT me.n chaltii hai"

I don't remember any other Hindi film dialogue that refers to the body clock!

I explain NEVER

Film: Bulundi

Year of release : 1981

Spoken by : Professor Satish Khurana (Raaj Kumar)

Spoken to : Principal (Nitin Sethi)

Raaj Kumar was one of the breed of originals in Bollywood. He was original - even when being ungrammatical. This is a story about a Professor (played by Raaj Kumar) who is approached by some rich men to mend the ways of their wayward sons. He accepts the challenge and does the seemingly impossible job. You can see a very young Rakesh Bedi and Gulshan Grover as college students here and Danny (in probably) the only double role of his career. Raaj Kumar is verbose and bombastic for the most part. He is accused of leaking exam papers to his pupils. The principal (Nitin Sethi) demands an explanation. Prof Khurana responds with

"I never explain. मैं जागे ज़मीर का इंसान हूँ. तशरीह मुल्ज़िम या बुज़्दिल किया करते हैं. I explain NEVER."

The word 'tashreeh' of course means explanation. Raaj Kumar was also fond of intimidating the antagonists with chaste Urdu. Why use bullets when you can use Urdu? Also his style of emphasising on 'never' by placing it at the end of the sentence is most droll. 

A film that will always rank among Danny's top ten performances. And Danny of course is one of the most under rated actors of Bollywood. 

So next time your boss calls you into a cabin and wishes to read the riot act to you; tell your boss, you are one whose conscience is wide awake and such people explain - NEVER. :)

Raashan pe bhaashan bahut hai par bhaashan pe raashan koii nahii

Film : Upkaar

Year of  release : 1967

Spoken by : Malang Baba (Pran)

Spoken to : Various characters

A hark back to the 'raashan' era, where ordinary middle class citizens spent a lot of time getting this ungettable object.

This is the film which turned Pran's image from the despicable rogue that he played with elan to a 'character actor'. This was then taken to greater lengths with films like Zanjeer and Majboor. Pran along with Nirupa Roy became Amitabh's lucky charm. So much so that when he and ABCL were struggling badly, he got Pran to come out of retirement and do a special act with him in that crap film called Mrityudaata. The film was so bad that no amount of luck or charm could help it.

But Upkaar was the beginning of the Bharat series of patriotic films. It was riding on the Indo-Pak war and the personality of Late LB Shastri. But it is not a bad film either. Well written, good songs and some great characters - like this Malang fellow whose shibboleth is

"राशन पे भाषण बहुत है, पर भाषण पे राशन कोई नहीं, इसलिये जब भी बोलता हूं, ज़्यादा ही बोलता हूं"

"Raashan pe bhaashan bahut hai, par bhaashan pe raashan koee nahee.n, isliye jab bhii boltaa hoon. zyaadaa hee boltaa hoo.n'

Use it whenever you are accused of being garrulous.

Hum to Doobenge sanam tum ko bhii le Doobenge

Film : Aawaara

Year of release : 1951

Spoken by : Raj (Raj Kapoor)

Spoken to : Rita (Nargis)

This is a line which instantly reminds me of my 9th grade English textbook. There was a story written by a Bhabhani thingummajig which was entitled Mere Monkeys. If that short story was to be made into a Hindi film, I would have given it the same title as the title of this post.

One of the lasting impressions that I have in this film is a 11-12 year old Shashi Kapoor going and asking his mother 'Maa yeh aawaaraa kyaa hotaa hai'. It is probably the most contrived line I have heard in the history of Hindi cinema. Shashi Kapoor even at that tender age had the grace to look very very embarrassed. You must watch the film for just this one line. But otherwise this film - written by Khwaaja Ahmad Abbas - whose great grandson Shahid Kapoor is setting the screen on fire these days - was a paean to the socialist version of the nature vs nurture debate. Ever since Hitler did what he did, most scientists are loathe to propound any theory which links behaviour or traits to genetics. Khwaaja Ahmad Abbas tries to settle it in favour of 'nurture' with this film. Hence KN Singh goes to great lengths to disprove the judge's theory that a thief's son will turn out to be a thief. He picks up the judge's son and turns him into an 'aawaara' - a vagabond.

Anyways this line has nothing to do with all the pseudo serious drivel that I have written above. Raj and his girl friend Rita are frolicking on the beach. The famous Raj-Nargis chemistry is evident. They both have jumped into a small 'bay'. While Rita has managed to come out, Raj hasn't. He extends his hand out asking for help and utters this classic line.

"Hum to Doobenge sanam tum ko bhii le Doobenge"

"हम तो डूबेंगे सनम तुम को भी ले डूबेंगे"

Maine abhii tak decide nahee.n kiyaa hai

Film : Road

Year of release : 2002

Spoken by : Babu (Manoj Bajpai)

Spoken to : Lakshmi (Antara Mali)

Babu convinces the young couple Lakshmi and Arvind to give him a lift. He then manages to shake off Arvind and makes off with Lakshmi. A scared Lakshmi is trying to figure out what he wants from her. At one point - exasperated - she asks

"lekin tum mujhse chaahte kyaa ho?"

Babu comes up with another classic line (like so many others that you can read by clicking on the Label at the bottom of this post)

"मैंने अभी तक decide नहीं किया है"
"maine abhii tak decide nahee.n kiyaa hai"

The line is part funny and part chilling - given the context of the film. This is a very common scenario in corporates. A tyrant of a boss and a traumatised employee. Finally the employee breaks down and asks - what is it that you really want? A great line if you are such a boss!

Agar mujhe sharm aane lagegii, to tere aur mere me.n farq kyaa reh jaayegaa

Film : Ghulami

Year of release : 1985

Spoken by : Jaabar (Mithun Chakraborty)

Spoken to : Tulsi (Anita Raj)

One of JP Dutta's earliest films. Extremely unwatchable. The kind of film that makes you demand the inclusion of films within the ambit of Consumer Protection Act. And this is inspite of having Kulbhushan Kharbanda, Dharmendra, Naseeruddin Shah, Mithun and Smita Patil in this film. Enough of my ranting. There are some interesting lines, however, which Jaabar i.e. Mithun has in this film. Click on the label 'Ghulami' or search using the search box for other lines from this film.

Jaabar's (Mithun) animals have strayed from their normal grazing route, and he now has to round them up. Obviously this is hard work and an angry Jaabar curses his animals while rounding them up. His girl friend Tulsi (Anita Raj) is slightly embarrassed and chides him for swearing in her presence. She says that he should be ashamed of his action.

Jabar says

"Sharm to ladkiyon kaa gehnaa hai agar mujhe sharm aane lagegee to tere aur mere me.n farq kyaa reh jaayegaa"

"शर्म तो लड़कियों का गहना है, अगर मुझे शर्म आने लगेगी तो तेरे और मेरे में फर्क़ क्या जायेगा"

These are lines which are unapologetically macho. A far cry from today's androgenous generation where the gender lines seem to have blurred. You might agree with them or disagree with them, but you cannot ignore them.

Aisaa kuchh laa jo ang pe lage

Film : Rangeela

Year of release : 1995

Spoken by : Munna (Aamir Khan)

Spoken to : Waiter at 5 star (Rajeev Mehta)

One of Ramgopal Varma's non RGV-esque films. This was a romantic musical on the lines of Singing in the Rain (another film I love). Although there is a 'Taporii' character in the film (also referred to as 'bhai'), but he is as lovable as they come. In one of the most shocking statements, RGV (post release) said that Govinda would have done a better job. I felt Aamir lent a certain dignity to the role.

Coming back to the line, Munna has invited Mili to a 'date' to a five star restaurant. He is obviously out of place in a five star. This makes his exchange with the snobbish waiter a treat. The waiter incidentally is played by Rajeev Mehta who is now a TV star (remember the Praful 'gadha' from KhichDii) of many serials. And he plays a fantastic foil to Munna's naivete.

Munna asks the waiter what are the items on offer - like you would in an Udupi 'hotel'. He would have expected - 'vada pav, misal pav, kanda bhajia...' kind of response. But what does he get! A list of items in English, that he has never heard of in his life. Instead of showing his ignorance by asking what they are, he comes up with this brilliant line:

"arre wo angreejii item nahee.n chaahiye apun ko, aisaa kuchh laa jo ang pe lage"

"अरे वो अंग्रेजी आइटम नहीं चाहिये अपुन को, ऐसा कुछ ला जो अंग पे लगे"

You should watch this movie just for Rajeev Mehta's reaction to Aamir's one liners.

The world is fast moving towards a multi-cuisine existence. Twenty years ago if someone said that his favourite dish is the Lebanese Shavarma, he would be someone who would be trying to impress. Today it is actually possible. So if you end up in a foreign cuisine restaurant and the waiter throws some foreign names at you, use this line. If he is an Indian waiter, he will understand and get you something that is deep fried. And as my mother says, anything that is deep fried or put in sugar syrup is good on the palate.

Saliim tujhe marne nahee.n dega aur hum tujhe jeene nahee.n denge

Film : Mughal-e-Azam

Year of release: 1960

Spoken by: Akbar (Prithviraj Kapoor)

Spoken to: Anarkali (Madhubala)

The lid had been blown off the Salim-Anarkali love story and it has now reached a situation where Akbar has decided to execute Anarkali. However Salim has promised Anarkali that he will consummate their love, and Anarkali begs Akbar to let Salim fulfil his promise, or else, the future emperor of India will be proved a liar. Akbar grants her the wish, saying that at the end of the day she has to make Salim unconscious, so that his soldiers can carry Anarkali away for execution. In his words -

"taaki voh teri maut se naa aashnaa ho jaaye, tujhe bhool jaaye, aur hamaare pehredaar tujhe behosh aashiq ke pehloo se uThaa kar, maut kee aaGosh me.n gum kar de.n"

Anarkali agrees to this plan. She says

"maut muhabbat se qareeb ho gayee. aisaa hee hogaa."

Akbar however delivers his immortal ultimatum thus -

'agar aisa naa huaa, to saliim tujhe marne nahee.n dega.. aur hum, anarkali, tujhe jeene nahee.n denge'

"अगर ऐसा ना हुआ, तो सलीम तुझे मरने नहीं देगा और हम अनारकली, तुझे जीने नहीं देंगे' 

kaii baar ke liye ek baar zaroorii hai

Film : Bazaar
Year of release : 1982
Spoken by : Salim (Naseeruddin Shah)
Spoken to : Najma (Smita Patil)

Salim is a poet and a civilized man. He loves Najma, but is willing to wait for his turn. He tries to tell her that Akhtar (Bharat Kapoor) will never marry her, and she should take a decision in her life. But she lingers on to a false hope with Akhtar. But she does have a soft corner for Salim.

Salim calls her up one day and says

"tumse ek baar milnaa hai"
Najma: kab?
Salim : Jab tum chaaho.
Najma: ek hii baar kyo.n?

Then Salim with the subtlety and finesse of the poet that he is, slips in this gem. He says

"kaii baar ke liye ek baar zaroorii hai"
"कई बार के लिये एक बार ज़रूरी है"

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, eh!

chaaTnaa hai to ice cream mangaa

Film : Jaane Tu...Ya Jaane Na
Year of release : 2008
Spoken by : Bagheera (Arbaaz Khan)
Spoken to : Inspector Vaghmare (Paresh Rawal)

This film has a comic book feel to it and this feel is further accentuated by the names given to the two screen brothers played by two real life brothers Arbaaz and Sohail Khan. They are called Bhaloo and Bagheera in this film. This is obviously a nod to the Jungle Book characters.

Bhaloo and Bagheera go around the city - displaying wanton behaviour all around. Inspector Vaghmare arrests them and throws them into the lock up. When they are in the lock up he realises that the two are connected to the high and mighty. He then tries to ingratiate himself to them. Bagheera gets disgusted and says,

"chaaTnaa hai to ice cream mangaa"
"चाटना है तो आइस क्रीम मंगा"

You will be 'suee' I will be 'suar'

Film : Kambakkht Ishq

Year of release : 2009

Spoken by : KeswaNi (Javed Jaffrey)

Spoken to : Hot Dog Stall owner (Bill Marinella)

This is such a crap film that I can't even tell you. But I found this very interesting and funny line which I thought I should share. It is a great take on the lessor-lessee or mortgagor-mortgagee kind of terms that are used in financial sector. I have spent my entire life in the financial sector and I found this dig at these legal-financial terms very droll.

This film of course is a shameless copy of the 2002 Tamil superhit Pammal K Sambandham which had superb writing by Crazy Mohan and superb acting by Kamalahaasan. In the original there is a character of a person who is very fond of going to the consumer court for everything. This character is played by Madan Bob. A similar character is fleshed out in KI, with Javed Jaffrey doing the honours.

He goes to a hot dog stall owner and buys a hot dog for 2 dollars. Then he fishes out a needle (or suee) and claims that he found the needle inside the hotdog. He threatens to sue the hot dog stall owner. Using a delightful pun he says

"You will be 'suee' I will be 'suar'"

Barsaat ki pehli boond ko tapti hui zameen par gir kar fana honaa hi paRtaa hai

Film : Ghulaami

Year of release : 1985

Spoken by : Sumitra (Smita Patil)

Spoken to : Ranjit Singh (Dharmendra)

Dialogue writer : OP Dutta

Ranjit Singh has become an outlaw. His childhood friend Sumitra tries to broker peace (she has now married a police officer) and arranges a meeting with Ranjit to try and convince him to give up the path of armed resistance. Ranjit Singh is reluctant to do so. Sumitra gives him the logic that is beautifully brought out in this quotation

"The trouble with being a pioneer is that you get shot by Red Indians"

She says

"Barsaat ki pehlii boond ko taptii huii zameen par gir kar fana honaa hi paRtaa hai'"