bandook bhii dikhaataa hai aur peechhe bhii haTtaa hai

Film : Agnipath

Year of release : 1990

Spoken by : Vijay Deenanath Chauhan (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to : Kaancha Cheena (Danny Denzongpa)

Dialogue writer : Kader Khan

One of my pet peeves about this film is that everyone calls it Agneepath. While the Johars might have numerological reasons to do so, the people who speak the language have no such reasons. It is, and shall remain for all times to come - AGNIPATH. Now that I have ranted, we get back to this line.

This is a film that got Mr Bachchan his first National Award, though it seemed like the kind of film which justified taking back all rewards given until then. I liked Danny much more than Amitabh and the lesser said about Krishnan Iyer yum yay the better. Roles where accents are required should generally be given to people who either have a neutral accent or the required accent. Mithun has not been able to speak Hindi properly all his life, and he dares to attempt a Tamil accent. Oh the miseries heaped upon us by M/s Johar and Anand. Since both of them are dead, I shall say nothing further.

But I have met a lot of people who adore this film. This film has been part of growing up for many of my friends (like Shiva for me). And I cannot ignore such overwhelming feedback.

Hence I have seen this movie three more times to see what they see in it. I have now put it down to their oculists. But I cannot deny that there are some interesting and stylised lines in this film.

Towards the end, Vijay lures Kaanchaa to his old village and once he has set his trap, he reveals to Kaancha that he is actually the son of Master Deenanath (the man who was brutally lynched to death by Kaancha's henchmen), A cornered Kaancha takes out his revolver and simultaneously, almost instinctively, backs up a few steps. He says

"tumko bhii pataa nahee.n chalegaa, ki kitnee jaldee tum maasTar dinaanaath ke raaste pe chal paDe ho. "

"ei...kaanchaa...saalaa bandook bhii dikhaataa hai aur peechhe bhii haTtaa hai. hai.n. peechhe nahee.n haTne kaa kaanchaa. "

"एई...कांचा...साला बन्दूक भी दिखाता है और पीछे भी हटता है. हैं. पीछे नहीं हटने का कांचा."

Having observed a lot of street fights, I do know one thing. Having a weapon does not always give you the confidence to attack. The confidence to attack or the killer instinct comes naturally. There is a great Damini dialogue about that. I will feature that later. 

aaj se tere bachche bhii raham ke qaabil ho jaayenge

Film : Agar...If

Year of release : 1977

Spoken by : Daver (Kader Khan)

Spoken to : Jangoo (Unknown)

Dialogue writer : Moinuddin

This underrated thriller of the golden period of Hindi cinema is surely lifted from some English film. I just can't figure out which one. Of course they let it meander towards the end - in classic Hindi film style. But it is still better than some of the films that are touted as classics.

Jangoo is Daver's henchman and he has slipped up badly in allowing one of the men he was tailing to be caught by the police. Daver is wild that his elaborately laid plan is being torn asunder. Jangoo realises that his time is up, and does what henchmen under fire do best - beg.

"mujh pe raham karo, merii beewii, mere bachche....raham karo..."

"मुझ पे रहम करो, मेरी बीवी, मेरे बच्चे...रहम करो..."

Like in volleyball, the dialogue is nicely setup for Daver for a great smash. And he executes it well enough.

He says,

"main sirf yateem bachcho.n pe raham kartaa hoo.n...aur aaj se tere bachche bhee raham ke qaabil ho jaayenge"

"मैं सिर्फ़ यतीम बच्चों पे रहम करता हूं...और आज से तेरे बच्चे भी रहम के क़ाबिल हो जायेंगे" 

Do I need to tell you what follows?

Unlike many other lines on this blog, it is unlikely that you would be able to use it anywhere. But I still wanted to feature this line.

aisa to aadmii life me.n do-ich time bhaagtaa hai

Film : Amar Akbar Anthony

Year of release : 1979

Spoken by : Anthony Gonsalves (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to : Robert (Jeevan)

Dialogue writer : Kader Khan

This was one of my favourite Amitabh Bachchan films when I was a kid. I saw Deewar, Sholay, Trishul and Zanjeer much later!

Kishan Lal (Pran) has become a mafia don and smuggler after usurping the business of Robert (Jeevan). Robert falls upon bad days and becomes a coolie on Kishan's dock. While unloading 'sona', the two meet each other and have kind of a show down. Suddenly the police lead by Kamal Kapoor (Narang of Don) arrive and everyone runs for their lives. Robert escapes with a case of gold and a revolver. Anthony trips Robert while running and stylishly delivers this line

See it here

"aisaa to aadmii life me.n do-ich time bhaagtaa hai, olympic ka race ho ya police ka case ho. tum kaay me.n bhagtaa hai bhaai?"

"ऐसा तो आदमी लाइफ़ में दोइच टाइम भागता है, ओलिम्पिक का रेस हो या पुलीस का केस हो, तुम काय में भगता है भाई?"

This line was a favourite as a kid, along with the famous mirror scene. 

Haathii agar baiTh bhee jaaye to gadhe se oonchaa hotaa hai

Film : Baap Numberi Beta Dus Numberi
Year of release : 1990
Spoken by : Raman (Kader Khan)
Spoken to : Prasad (his son played by Shakti Kapoor)

This line is often used by me while referring to the financial markets and its constituents. I will come to that in a moment. Now both father and son are in a constant game of oneupmanship in this movie. Prasad goes and fraudulently collects gold from Raman's locker. In the meantime, Raman cleans out the balance in Prasad's account fraudulently. He calls up Prasad to tell him this and also tells him that the gold that Prasad has taken is fake. So the father is reiterating to the son that even if the son grows up he will not really match up to the father. He puts it beautifully

"Haathii agar baiTh bhee jaaye to gadhe se oonchaa hotaa hai"
"हाथी अगर बैठ भी जाये तो गधे से ऊंचा होता "

Now let me tell you my financial markets analogy. There are two common financial assets that people invest in - debt and equity. Now if you invest in debt, the growth is more steady, whereas in equity the journey is more volatile. But even if equity tanks very badly, over a 10 year term it would still end up giving more returns than debt. This has been my experience in the Indian markets over the last 20 years. Hence, if someone asks me the question equity or debt, I say this

"हाथी अगर बैठ भी जाये तो गधे से ऊंचा होता "

thook meN bhajiyaa tal rahe ho

Film : Baap Numberi Beta Dus Numberi

Year of release : 1990

Spoken by : Raman (Kader Khan)

Spoken to : Postman (Ram Sethi)

One of the hit conman capers from the Bollywood stable. In this scene, the postman asks Raman for a tip (baKhsheesh) after delivering a money order. Raman who is quite impecunious at all times, makes this telling comment. 

"thook meN bhajiyaa tal rahe ho"

"थूक में भजिया तल रहे हो"

Sar chhat ko chhoone lagaa hai aur aql ghuTano ke oopar nahee gayee

Kader Khan was another great writer and actor. If you want to learn voice modulation, there are few better people to emulate. The late 80s and early 90s were totally dominated by Kader Khan. Every second film would have dialogues by him or he would be the villain or the comedian. A truly versatile artist. The line featured here is from the 1981 film Kaalia. Starring Amitabh Bachchan ‘in and as’ Kaalia. Early on in the film, the dreaded don Kaalia is actually a simpleton – Kallu. He plays marbles with the neighbouring kids though he is well over twenty (well..close to 40 actually). One of his neighbours called Raamdeen (Mushtaq Khan) is blessed with a baby boy. Kallu goes around the town tom-tomming the news. He goes and enthusiastically communicates it to Narayan, another neighbour who has never been blessed with kids. Narayan gets irked and slaps Kallu. He also complains to Kallu’s elder brother Shaam (Kader Khan). When Shaam reaches home, Kallu is complaining to his sister-in-law Shanti (Asha Parekh) about Narayan. Shaam loses his cool and scolds Kallu with this line

सर छत को छूने लगा है और अक्ल घुटनो के ऊपर नही गयी

All of us know someone or the other, who is the befitting recipient of such a jibe. Kids, husbands, siblings, bosses. Oh sorry. Don’t use it for bosses. For other categories user discretion is recommended.

Yeh kaisaa merii taraf hai

Dulhe Raja is one of the most delightful comedies that I have seen come out of Bollywood. It came out in 1998 when comedy was synonymous with Govinda. The story is about Raja (Govinda) who is a dhaabaa waalah (a roadside eatery) who has encroached land within a 5-star hotel which belongs to KK Singhania (Kader Khan). The film revolves around capers where Singhania tries to oust Raja from his land and how Raja constantly outwits Singhania. Singhania has a manager called Baanke (played by Johnny Lever). In the face-offs between Singhania and Raja, Baanke always sides with Raja. While he is the trusted lieutenant of Singhania, he seems to have a soft corner for Raja and helps him often. Singhania gets flustered with this and in one such instance asks him (with hand movements to support the question)

"tum uskee taraf (finger pointing to Raja) ho yaa merii taraf (finger pointing to himself)"

Baanke replies (with hand movements)

"sethji main to aapki taraf hoon (finger pointing to Raja)"

When he is saying this, Singhania looks at his finger's direction and mimicks him

"Yeh kaisaa merii taraf hai (points his finger towards Raja while doing this)"

ये कैसा मेरी तरफ है

Literally it means, you are saying that you are with me, but you seem to be actually with the other person.

Figuratively, it can be used in every such situation, where someone is claiming to be on your side, but actually behaving in a manner which suggests that he is with your opponent.