chowkidaar kabhee aurat dekhe hai.n

Film : Hip Hip Hurray

Year of release : 1984

Spoken by : Sandeep Chaudhary (Raj Kiran)

Spoken to : Anuradha Roy (Deepti Naval) 

Dialogue writer : Gulzar

There were recent articles about Raj Kiran surfacing in some mental asylum somewhere and that reminded me of this film and then of this line. This film ranks among my all time favourite youth/sports films. Sandeep and Anuradha are both teachers in a school in Ranchi. Sandeep is the sports teacher and Anuradha the history teacher. They bond with each other. Once when they are out for a cup of coffee, Sandeep pays the bill. Anuradha protests saying that women are equal to men in all aspects and they can do everything that men can. Sandeep accepts the fact that women are equally capable, but also comes up with a quip which made me think three decades ago. It still makes me think. He says

'chowkidaar kabhee aurat dekhe hai.n'

'चौकीदार कभी औरत देखे हैं'

Interestingly I have seen women police personnel, army personnel, pilots, doctors even auto drivers and bus conductors. But never a chowkidaar. If you have do let me know. 

baDhee huee tulsii dikhtee hai. bahen nahee.n dikhtii

Film : City of Gold - Mumbai 1982 : Ek Ankahee Kahaani

Year of release : 2010

Spoken by : Manju Dhuri (Veena Jamkar)

Spoken to : Mohan Dhuri (Vineet Kumar)

Dialogue writer : Abhijit Deshpande

A story of the mill workers who suffered while Mumbai prospered. One of the suffering families has the twenty-something girl Manju giving into the wiles of the neighbourhood baniya's son. Everyday in the morning she goes out into the balcony, and  on the pretext of watering the tulsi (basil) plant, also feeds her romance with the baniya's son in the store across the street. In return she gets a waiver on the family's food bill and a gold chain too. When her mother Lakshmi (Seema Biswas) notices this chain, she asks Manju about its provenance. Manju says that it is artificial jewellery. Her cricket crazy elder brother Mohan comments (after Lakshmi has left)

'naqlii nahee.n lagtee ye chain'

Manju says

'aslee laane ke liye paise kahaa.n se laaoo.n'

Mohan quips (with a none-too veiled reference to her daily morning dalliance)

'baahar kee tulsii apne aap nahee.n baDh rahee hai'

Hindi films do not give too many great lines to women characters. This will rank among them even after ten years. Make that 20 (India is not going to change in a hurry)

Manju says

"baDhee huee tulsee dikhtee hai. bahen nahee.n dikhtee. besharam'

"बढी हुई तुलसी दिखती है. बहन नहीं दिखती. बेशरम." 

in an obvious reference to the elder brother having failed in his duty of marrying off his sister and hence having lost the right to make such wisecracks.

lekin woh qissaa phir kabhii

Film : Manoranjan

Year of release : 1974

Spoken by : Dhoop Chhaon (Shammi Kapoor)

Spoken to : Train Passenger (MacMohan)

Dialogue writer : Abrar Alvi

Shammi Kapoor's directorial debut was a bold Indian version of Billy Wilder's 1963 classic Irma la Douce. Even this line is Abrar Alvi's Indianisation of Moustache's (Lou Jacobi) line - "But that's another story"

Dhoop Chhaon is a bartender who is travelling by train. He invites his co passengers Macmohan and a Parsi gentleman (on honemoon) to join him for a drink. And then starts talking about a street in Bombay called Manoranjan Street. After he has them hooked with the build up about the place, he very cleverly withdraws by saying

"lekin woh qissaa phir kabhee"

"लेकिन वो क़िस्सा फिर कभी"

Macmohan protests out loud with

"phir kabhii kyon saahab abhi sunaaiye, kyaa baat hai"

The Parsi gentleman also joins in and demands that the story be told. That's how the film starts. 

This line is repeated often in the film. When Ratan (Sanjeev Kumar) gets the idea of becoming his own double to get Nisha (Zeenat Aman) rid of her profession, Dhoop Chhaon says he too had done this earlier, when he had taken the agency of Bhimsaini oil and had picked up his own stock from the market in order to create demand. Just as he is about to launch into the full version, Ratan interrupts

'woh qissaa phir kabhee"
"वो क़िस्सा फिर कभी"

In another instance, Thingoo (Paintal) comes and asks Dhoop Chhaon why he is shooting darts so late. Dhoop Chhaon says that because it is Independence Day. A surprised Tingoo says it is 4th September not 15th August. Dhoopu says that was the day his dad died. And quickly adds

'lekin woh qissaa phir kabhee'

In another instance he tells Ratans he had once robbed a bank in Patna, a bank which belonged to his dad. And quickly adds

'lekin woh qissaa phir kabhee'

In another instance when Nisha protests that Dhoopu can't get her married to Nawab because he is not a real priest, he says that he has conducted many marriages ranging from king's marriages to their dog's marriages. He quickly adds

'lekin woh qissaa phir kabhee'

National dress kaa mazaaq nahee.n uDaaoge to broad-minded kaise kahe jaaoge

Film : Golmaal
Year of release : 1979
Spoken by : Bhawani Shankar (Utpal Dutt)
Spoken to : RC - Guest at party (Unknown)
Dialogue writer : Dr. Rahi Maasoom Raza

This is the scene where Bhawani Shankar sees Ramprasad's fake mother at a party in stark contrast to her simple white sari avatar that he had seen. This makes him smell a rat and leads to many interesting situations. He is sitting sipping his drink with a couple of his friends and lamenting (as usual) the state of affairs. He is wearing a bandgalaa suit while his friends are wearing the typical English suits. Here is that exchange.

"aaj kal party hotii kahaa.n hai. party ke naam par fashion parade hotii hai..  fancy dress show hotaa hai."

"tum kisme.n aaye ho, fashion parade me.n, yaa fancy dress show me.n ?"

"haa.n haa.n national dress kaa mazaaq nahee.n uDaaoge to broad-minded kaise kahe jaaoge. "
"हाँ हाँ, नॅशनल ड्रेस का मज़ाक़ नहीं उडाओगे तो ब्रॉड माइंडिड कैसे कहे जाओगे."

RC jhenp jaao bhai, bhawaani ne jawaab to munh toD diyaa hai. 

bandook bhii dikhaataa hai aur peechhe bhii haTtaa hai

Film : Agnipath

Year of release : 1990

Spoken by : Vijay Deenanath Chauhan (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to : Kaancha Cheena (Danny Denzongpa)

Dialogue writer : Kader Khan

One of my pet peeves about this film is that everyone calls it Agneepath. While the Johars might have numerological reasons to do so, the people who speak the language have no such reasons. It is, and shall remain for all times to come - AGNIPATH. Now that I have ranted, we get back to this line.

This is a film that got Mr Bachchan his first National Award, though it seemed like the kind of film which justified taking back all rewards given until then. I liked Danny much more than Amitabh and the lesser said about Krishnan Iyer yum yay the better. Roles where accents are required should generally be given to people who either have a neutral accent or the required accent. Mithun has not been able to speak Hindi properly all his life, and he dares to attempt a Tamil accent. Oh the miseries heaped upon us by M/s Johar and Anand. Since both of them are dead, I shall say nothing further.

But I have met a lot of people who adore this film. This film has been part of growing up for many of my friends (like Shiva for me). And I cannot ignore such overwhelming feedback.

Hence I have seen this movie three more times to see what they see in it. I have now put it down to their oculists. But I cannot deny that there are some interesting and stylised lines in this film.

Towards the end, Vijay lures Kaanchaa to his old village and once he has set his trap, he reveals to Kaancha that he is actually the son of Master Deenanath (the man who was brutally lynched to death by Kaancha's henchmen), A cornered Kaancha takes out his revolver and simultaneously, almost instinctively, backs up a few steps. He says

"tumko bhii pataa nahee.n chalegaa, ki kitnee jaldee tum maasTar dinaanaath ke raaste pe chal paDe ho. "

"ei...kaanchaa...saalaa bandook bhii dikhaataa hai aur peechhe bhii haTtaa hai. hai.n. peechhe nahee.n haTne kaa kaanchaa. "

"एई...कांचा...साला बन्दूक भी दिखाता है और पीछे भी हटता है. हैं. पीछे नहीं हटने का कांचा."

Having observed a lot of street fights, I do know one thing. Having a weapon does not always give you the confidence to attack. The confidence to attack or the killer instinct comes naturally. There is a great Damini dialogue about that. I will feature that later. 

ek zamaane me.n ye kaam naaii kiyaa karte the

Film : Anand

Year of release : 1971

Spoken by : Anand (Rajesh Khanna)

Spoken to : Renu's mother (Durga Khote)

Dialogue writer : Gulzar

Anand Sehgal is a friend who comes into Dr Bhaskar's life and tries to turn his staid life around. He finds out from Raghu Kaka (the family retainer) that there was a girl Renu, who was interested in his Babumoshaai (Dr Bhaskar). But since Bhaskar was too reticent, they had never progressed. He decides to take matters into his own hands and first extracts a confession from Bhaskar about the girl he likes. Then he engineers their meeting and declaration of love for each other. After ensuring that the fire has been suitably stoked from both sides, he directly reaches Renu's house. He meets Renu's mother and without beating about the bush, comes out with his proposal for marriage.

"maa.n jee mujhe aapse bahut zaroori kaam hai."

"kyaa kaam hai?"

"ek zamaane me.n ye kaam naaee kiyaa karte the maa.n jee. aajkal bhaaii karte hai.n

एक ज़माने में ये काम नाई किया करते थे माँ जी, आजकल भाई करते हैं."

"mai.n samjhee nahee.n "

"mai.n renu jee ke liye rishtaa lekar aayaa hoo.n, haa.n."

"mai.n unhe.n apnee bhaabhii banaanaa chaahtaa hoo.n "

Jo pachchees baras me.n nahee.n huaa woh ab hogaa

Film : Deewar

Year of release : 1975

Spoken by : Vijay Verma (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to : Rahim Chacha (Yunus Parvez)

Dialogue writer : Salim-Javed

The coolies of the dockyard are sitting and sipping tea in the canteen. Rahim is very concerned about Vijay's act of defiance in refusing to pay protection money (hafta). He says

yahaa.n Gareeb ko sau baate.n soch ke chalnaa paDtaa hai. aur phir ye log to mawaalii Thahare, inke munh kaun lage

यहाँ ग़रीब को सौ बातें सोच के चलना पडता है, और फिर ये लोग तो मवाली ठहरे, इनके मुंह कौन लगे. 

Another coolie eggs him on with this line,

Theek kehte ho raheem chacha bilkul Theek kehte ho

ठीक केहते हो रहीम चाचा बिलकुल ठीक कहते हो.

Suitably encouraged, Raheem continues his litany.

pachchees baras ho gaye hame.n yahaa.n kaam karte. hamane nahee.n dekhaa koee kulee unhe.n haftaa dene se inkaar kar de

पच्चीस बरस हो गये हमें यहाँ काम करते. हमने नहीं देखा कोई कुली उन्हें हफ़्ता देने से इनकार कर दे.

And the laconic Vijay pauses for a while and then says sententiously,

raheem chaacha jo pachchees baras me.n nahee.n huaa woh ab hogaa. agale hafte ek aur kuli in mawaaliyo.n ko paisaa dene se inkaar karne vaalaa hai. 

रहीम चाचा, जो पच्चीस बरस में नहीं हुआ वो अब होगा. अगले हफ़्ते एक और कुली इन मवालियों को पैसा देने से इनकार करने वाला है.

This is the line which later gives rise to  the "Peter ab ye taalaa mai.n terii jeb se chaabee nikaal ke..." line. But that line will come in some other post.

So when India wins the cricket World Cup after 28 years, the Left front loses Bengal after 34 years, and there is history being made all around. This is a great line to use. 

Remember the Emirates line - when was the last time you did something for the first time. So whenever you do that, use this line.