jiskaa pataa nahii.n hotaa uskaa pataa nahii.n chaltaa

Film : Oye Lucky Lucky Oye

Year of release : 2008

Spoken by : Lucky (Abhay Deol)

Spoken to : Gogi (Paresh Rawal)

Dialogue writer : Manu Rishi

This film was supposed to be based on the life of Bunty Chor (or Davinder Singh). The film was a big disappointment for those who had seen Dibakar's debut - Khosla ka Ghosla. 

Lucky is on a stealing spree and picking up cars and all kinds of stuff for the local don - Gogi. Once when Bangali (Manu Rishi) and Lucky meet him after a successful heist, Gogi asks him where he lives. Bangali says

"car me.n.. aage drawing room, peechhe bedroom"

"कार में. आगे ड्राइंग रूम, पीछे बॅडरूम"

Gogi is very surprised when he hears this. Lucky responds with a pragmatic line

"jiskaa pataa nahii.n hotaa uskaa pataa nahii.n chaltaa"

"जिसका  पता नहीं होता उसका पता नहीं चलता" 

aisa to aadmii life me.n do-ich time bhaagtaa hai

Film : Amar Akbar Anthony

Year of release : 1979

Spoken by : Anthony Gonsalves (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to : Robert (Jeevan)

Dialogue writer : Kader Khan

This was one of my favourite Amitabh Bachchan films when I was a kid. I saw Deewar, Sholay, Trishul and Zanjeer much later!

Kishan Lal (Pran) has become a mafia don and smuggler after usurping the business of Robert (Jeevan). Robert falls upon bad days and becomes a coolie on Kishan's dock. While unloading 'sona', the two meet each other and have kind of a show down. Suddenly the police lead by Kamal Kapoor (Narang of Don) arrive and everyone runs for their lives. Robert escapes with a case of gold and a revolver. Anthony trips Robert while running and stylishly delivers this line

See it here

"aisaa to aadmii life me.n do-ich time bhaagtaa hai, olympic ka race ho ya police ka case ho. tum kaay me.n bhagtaa hai bhaai?"

"ऐसा तो आदमी लाइफ़ में दोइच टाइम भागता है, ओलिम्पिक का रेस हो या पुलीस का केस हो, तुम काय में भगता है भाई?"

This line was a favourite as a kid, along with the famous mirror scene. 

dosti ka ek usool hai maDam no sorry no thank you

Film : Maine Pyaar Kiya

Year of release : 1989

Spoken by : Prem (Salman Khan)

Spoken to : Suman (Bhagyashree)
Dialogue writer : Sooraj R Barjatya

Extremely silly line, but I find a lot of people using it. This was Sooraj Barjatya's take on the tag line for the 1970 film Love Story - Love means never having to say you're sorry. 

Prem meets Suman at his house for the first time and she helps him to get rid of Seema (Pervin Dastur) who is trying to seduce him. When Suman picks up Prem's cap (which has fallen down) and hands it to him, he gives it back to her as a gift. Saying that they are friends since their parents are friends and ...some silly logic he gives. She also buys that logic and says thanks.

Our hero jumps to the occasion and says 

"dosti ka ek usool hai maDam no sorry no thank you"

"दोस्ती का एक उसूल है मैडम, नो सॉरी नो थॅंक यू"

kaunsaa cigarette laaoo.n aap ke liye

Film : Dil Tera Diwana

Year of release : 1962

Spoken by : Diwan Badriprasad acting as Raamdeen driver (Ulhaas)

Spoken to : Mohan and Anokhe (Shammi Kapoor and Mehmood)

Dialogue writer : Pa NeelakanTan and Inder Raj Anand

This was a remake of the 1958 Sivaji Ganesan comedy Sabaash Meena. Great music by Shankar Jaikishan. This scene has subsequently been repeated in various forms in many films. The father is a martinet (Diwan Badriprasad) and the son (Mohan ) seeks some freedom. One day the son plans to sneak away to watch a play with his friend (Anokhe). Diwan senses this and asks the driver to slip away and takes his place. Mohan and Anokhe are oblivious that the driver is in fact Mohan's father. Mohan continues to curse his lack of freedom. They finally ask the driver to go and buy some cigarettes. Diwan is initially shocked at being asked to do that but recovers and turns around and asks the two

"kaunsaa cigarette laaoo.n aap ke liye?"

"कौनसा सिगरेट लाऊँ आपके लिये?"

In unison, both Mohan and Anokhe say

"Five, Five ..." and as they are about to say the last 'five', they see the face of the driver and together jump out of the car window. 

Absolute copy of the Sivaji/Chandrababu/SV Ranga Rao scene and I found the original more delightful. 

woh RaavaN? aapko pareshaan kiyaa? abhii aap dekhnaa hum bhii usko pareshaan kartaa

Film: PaDosan

Year of release : 1968

Spoken by : Master Pillai (Mehmood)

Spoken to : Bindu (Saira Banu)

Dialogue writer : Rajendra Krishan (a rare combo of Rajendra Krishan as lyricist and RD Burman as MD)

This was one of my favourite films as I grew up. I did not see too many films in my first 25 years. This was one of the rare films that we saw in a theatre. The choice that day was between Haathi mere Saathi and PaDosan. And PaDosan was not my choice. I am so glad in retrospect that we did not go for Haathi mere Saathi. 

PaDosan is based on the Bangla film 'Paasher BaaRii" which means 'the house nearby'. Anjali Devi made it into a Tamil film in 1960. The Tamil version was called 'Adutha VeeTTuppeN" which means 'the girl next door'. 8 years later Mehmood (whose entire career is owed to Tamil films in general and Nagesh in particular) took this story and made into one of the lasting classics of Hindi films. 

I will not go into the details of the story. This scene happens when Bindu (Saira Banu) tries to get back at the 'boy next door' or 'uncleji next door' {considering Sunil Dutt was 'I am 38 trying to be 25' when this film was made} through her dance master. She wants her dance master to beat up the loafer next door who has been bothering her. The famous chaturnaar song - which is a competition between Vidyapathi (Kishore Kumar) playbacking for Bhola and Masterji - has already happened. Bhola won that round. 

Now all the provocation of Bindu is not able to get Masterji's anger to rise. She even questions his manhood. In response, Masterji coyly pleads guilty to being a man. Finally she invokes religion. Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. Religion probably is the first. She asks him that when Raavan took Sita away, what did Raam do? Masterji says - he goes to Lanka and defeats Raavan.

'...RaavaN ko aisaa glatten chop maaraa"

Bindu exults that the man has got it finally and quickly says

"haa.n... to tum ek aadmii ko nahee.n maar sakte..."

The now enlightened Masterji says these classic lines

"aiyyaiyyo, aisaa baat kyaaji... aap pehle kyuu.n nahee.n bolaa humko. "

"devii, woh RaavaN? aapko pareshaan kiyaa? abhii aap dekhnaa, hum bhii usko pareshaan kartaa"

and then the fantastic war cry (which means - oi raavan, come here you...)

"dey RaavaN inge vaa Daa nee!"

"अई अई यो, ऐसा बात क्या जी...आप पहले क्यूं नहीं बोला हमको.

देवी.. वो रावण? आपको परेशान किया? अभी आप देखना, हम भी उसको परेशान करता"

'डै रावण, इंगे वाडा नी!" 

Just like Hrishikesh Mukherjee has convinced an entire country that cancer (of any stage) is incurable, Mr Mehmood has convinced all North Indians that no South Indian can speak Hindi properly. But then that is the power of a character. 

hamee.n hum hai.n to kyaa hum hai.n tumhee.n tum ho to kyaa tum ho

Film : Sharmilee

Year of release : 1971

Spoken by : Captain Ajit Kapoor (Shashi Kapoor)

Spoken to : Colleagues at army mess
Dialogue writer : Vrajendra Gaur

This line is actually from a famous Urdu couplet written by the poet Sarshaar. The full couplet which gets quoted in the movie is 

chaman mein iKhtilaat-e-rang-o-buu se baat bantii hai 

hamii.n ham hai.n to kyaa ham hai.n, tumhee.n tum ho to kyaa tum ho

चमन में इख़्तिलात ए रंगो बू से बात बनती है

हमीं हम हैं तो क्या हम हैं, तुम्हीं तुम हो तो क्या तुम हो

The situation is that a few army men are sitting and drinking in the mess. Two of them get into an argument on some small issue. This dialogue marks Shashi's entry in the film, so to defuse the situation he says this couplet.

The amalgamation of various colours and fragrances makes a garden what it is

if it was just your kind or just my kind of fragrances and colours it won't be the same thing

A great line to break up an argument. 

The film by the way has an amazing score by SD Burman. I get gooseflesh just by writing about it. One of his best work for non-Dev Anand, non-Ashok Kumar films. Abhimaan would also rank in that league. Coming back as he was after a debilitating illness, it would have given him a lot of self confidence too. Else it could be quite depressing being unfavourably compared to your one and only son. 

Main aaj se Grihshobha chhoR ke Cosmo paRhoo.ngaa

Film: Housefull
Year of release : 2010
Spoken by : Aarush (Akshay Kumar)
Spoken to : Saundarya Bhagyalakshmi Venkateshwari Basappa Rao aka Sandy (Deepika Padukone)
Dialogue writer : Anvita Dutt Guptan

Here is another director who started out by criticising films (like Khalid Mohammad and Kunal Kohli) and ending up worse than the films he criticised. He should have stuck to being a critic. Housefull was hyped by Sajid Khan as the biggest hit in 2010 - three weeks before the film was released. Sajid said he was interested only in the audience reaction and the audience would surely love his film as he had put the right formulaic elements in the film. He started his film with a dedication to Prakash Mehra, Manmohan Desai, K Raghavendra Rao etc who he seems to hold in high esteem. Three days after the film started slipping at the box office, he released a full page ad saying that all critics had rated the film very well. Talk about volte face. I really get peeved when someone tries to show integrity and character and then does something really petty. I find his sister's films far more honest and funny. This man is what we call in Delhi lingo as a 'sude' - short for pseudo intellectual. But enough of my anger against this man who is so undeserving of it. Probably I feel thus because I paid good money to buy a DVD of this awful and atrocious film. Our film industry managed to burn the prints of Alam Ara. They should use this talent for this film as well. Okay okay no more.

This is an attempt by Sajid Khan to merge the audiences of a high brow magazine like Cosmopolitan with the lower middle class vernacular audience of Grihshobha (so he says himself). But I found this one rare funny moment in this galactically mindless movie.

Sandy falls for Aarush because she thinks that his wife is dead and feels guilty about having slapped him. Aakhri pasta (Chunky Pandey) told her this lie.


However Aarush never told her a lie, he was trying to drown himself in the ocean because his wife left him on he night of the honeymoon. when Devika (Jiah Khan), Aarush's wife,  meets Aarush, he asks for the divorce papers. Sandy realises that Aarush's wife is alive. She goes away in a huff.

Aarush again heads towards the ocean. Ostensibly to drown himself. His friend Babu Rao (Ritesh Deishmukh) and his wife Hetal (Lara Dutta) send him to go after Sandy and win her over.

He goes to the room and Sandy refuses to open. However Aarush tries to maneuver through the next room balcony into Sandy's room.

He slips and is about to fall. Sandy sees it on tv and pulls him up after she realises that Aarush is telling the truth and mischief monger was pasta.

She says that she had read somewhere that if one saves someone his or her life belongs to the saver and not to the person and hence Aarush's life belonged to her.

they hug and make up. then Aarush in a classic comedic moment asks her where did you read that

sandy pauses and says - "In last month's Cosmo"

Aarush says - "I love Cosmo"

and follows that up with the clincher,

"main aajse Grihshobha chhoR ke Cosmo padhoongaa"

The full exchange

"Ab tumhaari jaan tumhaari nahiin. ab tumhaari jaan meri hai, aur tumhe koii haq nahiin bantaa use ganwaane kaa"
"I love you"
"Vaise tumne paRha kahaan thaa"
"pichle maheene ke Cosmo me.n"
"I love Cosmo"
"main aajse Grihshobha chhoR ke Cosmo paRhoongaa"