WahaaN jaake phir angrezii bolnee paDegee

Film: Singh is Kinng

Year of release : 2008

Spoken by : Rangeelaa (Om Puri)

Spoken to : Himself

Akshay Kumar has perfected the art of making you laugh in films with inane stories. If you ask me, he is a bigger Baadshah than SRK. Anyways, in this particular sequence, Happy Singh (Akshay Kumar) and Rangeela have landed in Sydney airport and their luggage seems to have been misplaced by the airlines. Rangeela has come with Happy as the village English 'expert'. That his English would not be understood by most native English speakers is another matter altogether. Rangeela goes to the booking counter to complain in loud and clear terms about his luggage. The man at the counter is trying his best to explain that he cannot help him and that Rangeela would have to go to the luggage counter. But Rangeela is the English 'expert' and cannot understand a word. An Indian traveller who is also waiting beside Rangeela intervenes and explains to Rangeela that he would have to go to the luggage counter.

An exasperated Rangeela says

'वहाँ जाके फिर अंग्रेज़ी बोलनी पडेगी"

When I saw this scene, I broke out laughing and could not stop for close to a minute. Om Puri has managed to give credibility to this dialogue with his acting prowess.

kaho to phir andar bhijvaa deN

Film: Zanjeer
Year of release : 1973
Spoken by : Teja (Ajit)
Spoken to : Vijay (Amitabh Bachchan)

Vijay has been jailed on a trumped up charge of bribery. The main man behind setting him up was Teja. When Vijay is released he is eager for revenge. He goes straight to a phone booth and he calls Teja. Here is the conversation. Reproducing it verbatim as it is a very famous line.

"Teja maiN vijay bol rahaa hooN"

"तेजा मैं विजय बोल रहा हूं"

"Oh hello inspector"

"ओह हलो इंस्पॅक्टर"

"maiN baahar aa gayaa hooN"

"मैं बाहर आ गया हूं"

"kaho to phir andar bhijvaa deN"

"कहो तो फिर अन्दर भिजवा दें"

What sets Ajit's Teja apart from other villains of that time is that he never went over the top. He is very cool and maintains what I would call his 'sangfroid' at all times. Superb.

taaj un saroN pe naheeN rehtaa jinke qareeb Khauf aa jaaye

Film : Mughal-e-Aazam

Year of release : 1960

Spoken by : Bahaar (Nigar Sultana)

Spoken to : A maid in the palace

Bahaar, is one of the senior maids in the palace. She nurses a secret ambition of becoming the princess. One day she is trying on the crown and she is spotted by another maid. The other maid says

"taaj doosroN ke haath pehne jaate haiN bahaar"

"ताज दूसरों के हाथ पहने जाते हैं बहार"

Bahaar retorts with

"haath doosroN ke hote haiN par himmat apnee hotee hai"

"हाथ दूसरों के होते हैं पर हिम्मत अपनी होती है"

The maid says

"koee aa na jaaye bahaar, kyaa tumhe Khauf naheeN?"

"कोई आ न जाये बहार, क्या तुम्हें ख़ौफ़ नहीं?"

Bahaar says

"Khauf? taaj un saroN pe naheeN rehtaa jinke qareeb Khauf aa jaaye"

"ख़ौफ़? ताज उन सरों पे नहीं रहता जिनके क़रीब ख़ौफ आ जाये"

That is so true. Even today, to be a leader in any field, courage continues to be one of the competencies required.

Jab tak zindaa hooN tab tak maraa naheeN, jab mar gayaa saalaa maiN hee naheeN

Film: Anand
Year of release : 1971
Spoken by : Anand Sehgal (Rajesh Khanna)
Spoken to : Dr Bhaskar (Amitabh Bachchan)


Jab tak zindaa hooN tab tak maraa naheeN, jab mar gayaa saalaa maiN hee naheeN

Main der se marne waaloN meN hooN

Film : DaaG

Year of release : 1973

Spoken by : Diwan (Manmohan Krishna)

Spoken to : Sunil (Rajesh Khanna)

I love this line. It is an oblique reference to a rich man. Diwan is a heart patient who has an attack while travelling on a train with his daughter Chandni (Raakhi). Sunil helps them during the journey and Diwan is very grateful. He tells Sunil about Chandni's troubles - she has been cheated by a man and is now pregnant and unmarried. After helping them off the train, Sunil tries to console him and says

"aap achchhe ho jaayenge aapkaa ilaaj ho rahaa hai"

"आप अच्छे हो जायेंगे आपका इलाज हो रहा है"

Diwan says,

"Ilaaj vagairah sab bahaanaa hai, tareeqaa hai rupayaa kharch karne kaa. Jinke paas hotaa hai vo der se marte haiN aur jinke paas naheeN hotaa vo jaldii mar jaate haiN. MaiN der se marne waaloN meN hooN"

"इलाज वगैरह सब बहाना है, तरीक़ा है रुपया खर्च करने का. जिनके पास होता है वो देर से मरते हैं और जिनके पास नहीं होता वो जल्दी मर जाते हैं. मैं देर से मरने वालों में हूं."

Sometimes when I see our allopathic medicine system and the costs associated with even small things, I am reminded of this line. But I can safely say one thing. I am not rich.

मैं देर से मरने वालों में नहीं हूं.

"

Beewii ho... to har masalaa TeRhaa hotaa hai

Film: Shatranj ke Khilari

Year of release : 1977

Spoken by : Mirza Sajjad Ali (Sanjeev Kumar)

Spoken to : Meer Roshan Ali (Saeed Jaffrey)

Khurshid (Shabana Azmi), Mirza's wife, is constantly angry at Mirza's long hours spent on playing chess. She is very demonstrative of her displeasure. On one such occasion when her feathers have been ruffled, the Mirza goes in to soothe her. When he comes back, Mir asks him if he managed to soothe his wife and remarks

"baRa TeRha masalaa hai"

"बड़ा टेढ़ा मसला है"

Mirza heaves a long sigh and says

"beewii ho meer saahab, to har masalaa, TeRhaa hotaa hai"

"बीवी हो मीर साहब, तो हर मसला टेढ़ा होता है"

I am sure many of the married men would agree with this.

Haathii agar baiTh bhee jaaye to gadhe se oonchaa hotaa hai

Film : Baap Numberi Beta Dus Numberi
Year of release : 1990
Spoken by : Raman (Kader Khan)
Spoken to : Prasad (his son played by Shakti Kapoor)

This line is often used by me while referring to the financial markets and its constituents. I will come to that in a moment. Now both father and son are in a constant game of oneupmanship in this movie. Prasad goes and fraudulently collects gold from Raman's locker. In the meantime, Raman cleans out the balance in Prasad's account fraudulently. He calls up Prasad to tell him this and also tells him that the gold that Prasad has taken is fake. So the father is reiterating to the son that even if the son grows up he will not really match up to the father. He puts it beautifully

"Haathii agar baiTh bhee jaaye to gadhe se oonchaa hotaa hai"
"हाथी अगर बैठ भी जाये तो गधे से ऊंचा होता "

Now let me tell you my financial markets analogy. There are two common financial assets that people invest in - debt and equity. Now if you invest in debt, the growth is more steady, whereas in equity the journey is more volatile. But even if equity tanks very badly, over a 10 year term it would still end up giving more returns than debt. This has been my experience in the Indian markets over the last 20 years. Hence, if someone asks me the question equity or debt, I say this

"हाथी अगर बैठ भी जाये तो गधे से ऊंचा होता "