Draamebaaz hai.n saale sab ke sab

Film : Maachis

Year of release : 1996

Spoken by : Commander (Kulbhushan Kharbanda)

Spoken to : Sanatan (Om Puri)

Dialogue writer : Gulzar

I love the way Kulbhushan chews every words and then spits it out.

The commander of the terrorist force spends most of his day at office driving a truck. His team members get into the truck, take orders and disperse after that. In one such transaction, Sanatan gets into his truck, and Commander tells him that Kedar Nath (a political leader) is visiting their town Manikaran on 13th March. Commander tells him that he is the same leader, who was an accused (as a ringleader) in the '84 Delhi riots. He had now become an MP and a central minister. Sanatan enquires whether he is the same leader  who had once been attacked by their group member Jimmy (Jimmy Shergill).  Commander replies in the affirmative and tells him that Kedar Nath was visiting a religious shrine to pay his respects. It is of course hypocritical, because he led mobs to murder many people of a particular religion and later when he becomes a minister, he goes to the religious shrines of the same religion. "To pay respects"! Commander comments on this action of Kedar Nath with a cynical line, before getting into the details of the plot to assassinate Kedar Nath.

"Draamebaaz hai.n saale sab ke sab. Acting karte rahte hai.n"

"ड्रामेबाज़ हैं साले सब के सब. ऍक्टिंग करते रहते हैं"

When I see the politicians and their day to day acts, I am often reminded of this line from Maachis. 

mujhe laDkiyo.n ke dil se koee dilchaspii nahee.n, isiiliye to aaj tak zindaa hoo.n

Film : Don
Year of release : 1978
Spoken by : Don (Amitabh Bachchan)
Spoken to : Sonia/Kamini (Helen)
Dialogue writer : Salim Javed


This line comes in the scene just before the song "Yeh mera dil". The 2006 version dropped this line while retaining the earlier, 'romantic baate.n mujhe bahut bore kartee hai.n' line. So I thought I might bring up this line up. Ideal time. Valentine season!

Sonia (Kamini) responds to Don's 'romantic baate.n' jibe with this line -

"insaan ye jaan saktaa hai ki chaand aur sooraj me.n kyaa chhupaa hai, lekin ye kabhii naheen jaan saktaa, ki ek laDkii ke dil me.n kyaa chhupaa hai."

Don continues in his laconic way, with this line -

"mujhe laDkiyon ke dil se koee dilchaspii nahee.n, iseeliye to aaj tak zindaa hoo.n....  oh god getting late."

"मुझे लडकियों के दिल से कोई दिलचस्पी नहीं, इसीलिये तो आज तक ज़िन्दा हूं"

Boloo.ngaa to maa.n maregii, nahee.n boloo.ngaa to baap kuttaa khaaegaa

Film : Sadhu aur Shaitan

Year of release : 1968

Spoken by : Bajrangi (Mehmood)

Spoken to : Inspector (Anwar Hussain)

Dialogue writer : Rajinder Krishan

This film is among the countless Nagesh remakes that Mahmood starred in. If you ever get the chance, see the original with subtitles. Nagesh was at least 23 times better than Mahmood. Great actor. This particular film was a remake of the 1966 Tamil hit Saadhu MiranDaal. They repeated the panchratna naaTak manDali of Padosan fame in this film too. Both came out around the same time, but PaDosan (which was also a remake of a Bengali/Tamil film) became more popular.

The police is inquiring from all taxi drivers about having ferried a passenger of a certain description. Bajrangi, who is a taxi driver, has ferried the passenger that the police is looking for. However, that passenger had threatened to slit his throat if he squealed to the police. Now when the police inspector (Anwar Hussain) threatens to beat him black and blue, if he does not reveal the details, he cries out in anguish -

"yeh to achchhee baat huee saab, boloo.ngaa to maa.n maregii; nahee.n boloo.ngaa to baap kuttaa khaaegaa"

"ये तो अच्छी बात हुई साहब, बोलूंगा तो मां मरेगी; नहीं बोलूंगा तो बाप कुत्ता खाएगा"

The inspector shrieks in anger 

"kiskaa baap kuttaa khaayegaa?"

Bajrangi explains with this story. A boy watches his mother prepare dog's meat for his father. At dinner time when the meat is served on the table, the son is at sixes and sevens. Damned if he says it, damned if he doesn't. If he reveals the secret, his father will kill his mother in anger, if he does not his father will end up eating dog meat. That very dilemma is conveyed in this dialogue

"boloongaa to maa.n maregii; nahee.n boloongaa to baap kuttaa khaaegaa"

Interesting to note that dog meat is considered a delicacy in some parts of India (like Nagaland) and many other countries (like China and Korea), but it is prohibited in Islamic and Jewish dietary laws. So generally in India eating dog meat is considered offensive. But to those people who consider it a delicacy, this dialogue will be meaningless. It will also be offensive to vegetarians. 

But the story is still interesting, so I have put this line up. 

aur main koee vaalmiki to naheeN jo Daake chhoDe haiN to ramayan likh dii

Film : Haath ki Safaai

Year of release : 1974

Spoken by : Shankar (Vinod Khanna)

Spoken to :  Kamini (Hema Malini)

Dialogue writer : Salim Javed

It was Vaalmiki Jayanti yesterday. You would have faced a lot of traffic jams if you were in Delhi yesterday. Reminded me of this Salim Javed line that I have been planning to post for a while. Vaalmiki was of course famous for having written the epic Ramayan. But the other famous fact about him was that he was a highwayman who used to rob and kill travellers. He later (after a chance encounter with Narada) reforms and gives up robbery and takes to writing. When I see the kind of advances paid to ordinary writers these days, I can understand the thought behind this career switch. :)

The film is called Haath Ki Safaai and Shankar plays a crook in the film. Kamini is running away from Shankar when she realises that he is a crook and while trying to hide from his men and him, she goes and seeks refuge in his house without realising it. Shankar's wife Roma (Simi Garewal) sees a woman in distress and agrees to give her refuge. But very soon Kamini sees a large framed photo of Shankar in the hall and without realising that she could have walked into the wrongest house possible, she blurts out to Roma that the man in the photo is a goon. Roma refuses to believe and asks her to leave the house. As Kamini leaves the house, she is chased by Shankar and just as Shankar is about to get to Kamini, Roma (who must have been quietly following them) steps in and confronts Shankar. However, the strain of the situation is too much for Roma and she faints. Kamini helps Shankar to tend to Roma, till she has stabilised.

Later when Shankar sees that Kamini is still in the house, he apologises to her. He says,

"kaamini, maine jo tumhaare saath ab tak sulooq kiyaa hai tum... Khair, maafii maangnee to bahut aasaan hai, aur mai.n koii vaalmiiki to nahee.n, jo Daake chhoDe hai.n to raamaayaN likh dee. Romaa ne tumhe.n is ghar me.n panaah dii hai, jab tak tum chaaho, yahaa.n rah saktee ho. "

"कामिनी, मैंने जो तुम्हारे साथ अब तक सुलूक़ किया है, तुम...ख़ैर, माफ़ी मांगनी तो बहुत आसान है, और मैं कोई वाल्मीकि तो नहीं, जो डाके छोडे हैं तो रामायण लिख दी. रोमा ने तुम्हें इस घर में पनाह दी है, जब तक तुम चाहो, यहां रह सकती हो."

Now this situation is not all that great. But I quite like the line. The point being made is that it is not so easy for everyone to walk on the path of reform. Society might not be so kind to you. It might not give you another chance easily. Imagine a typical HR executive interviewing Valmiki.

"Well I see from your CV, that you have been a highwayman. And now you want to be a writer. How do you explain that?"

And the interview would have ended with the inevitable "We will get back to you". :)

If HR guys had been around then, we might not have had any RaamayaN.

aur meri bhee tabeeyat kucchh Theek naheen rahtii

Film : Mere Apne

Year of release : 1971

Spoken by : Biloki Prasad (Asit Sen)

Spoken to : Audience at political meeting

Dialogue writer : Gulzar

It is election time and the two rival candidates are Biloki Prasad and Anokhe Lal (Mehmood). The former is assisted by Shyam (Vinod Khanna) and the latter by Chhainoo (Shatrughan Sinha). Asit Sen, who is normally parodied by most mimicry artistes for his peculiar style of dialogue delivery and his girth, is also a very good actor with excellent comic timing. See this film (or rather this scene), for evidence  of that. So in this political meeting, our great politician starts speaking. And what does he say,

"bhaiyo aur behno desh ke bahut bure din aa gaye hain"

"भाईओ और बहनो, देश के बहुत बुरे दिन आ गए हैं"

"aaj hamaare beech panDit jee naheen hain ...neta ji naheen hain...gandhiji naheen hain..."

"आज हमारे बीच पंडित जी नहीं हैं...नेता जी नहीं हैं...गान्धी जी नहीं हैं..."

Then he takes a pause for effect and delivers the punch line. 

"aur meri bhee tabeeyat kucchh Theek naheen rahtii"

"और मेरी भी तबीयत कुछ ठीक नहीं रहती"

Asit Sen's delivery of this line has made this line walk into this blog. Otherwise I generally avoid joke punchlines. 

This is also a famous technique used in sales - called equation by association. If one goes to buy a TV,  the shopkeeper will say something like...

Sir this is Sony TV. Costs 20k. This is Panasonic. Costs 19.5k. And this is Pappu TV. This costs 16k. 

wanted honaa unwanted hone se hameshaa achchhaa hotaa hai

Film : Kala Dhandha Goray Log

Year of release : 1986

Spoken by : Raja (Sanjay Khan)

Spoken to : Durgadas Jethia (Anupam Kher)

Dialogue writer : Dr. Rahi Masoom Raza

This was  Sanjay Khan's last film as an actor, before he decided to move to television and spas. Of course, I keep mentioning this fact, his real name is Abbas Khan and the screen name he was given was Sanjay (not Sanjay Khan). It was only in these later films that the screen titles started calling him Sanjay Khan. 

Durgadas is a mafia don. He is meeting Raja for the first time. When he meets Raja, he says,

"tumse milne ka baDaa shauq thaa. dekhanaa chaahataa thaa wo aadmii kaisaa hai jiskaa naam police aur customs dono.n kee wanted list me.n sabase oopar hai"

And since this is Sanjay Khan's introduction shot in the film and he also happens to be the producer, he gave himself a great line. 

"wanted honaa, unwanted hone se hameshaa achchhaa hotaa hai durgaadas."

"वॉंटिड होना, अनवॉंटिड होने से हमेशा अच्छा होता है दुर्गादास" 

muhabbat aur maut me.n yahii hotaa hai

Film : Nagin

Year of release : 1976

Spoken by : Nagin in the form of Rajkumari (Mumtaz)

Spoken to : Raj (Feroz Khan)

Dialogue writer : Inder Raj Anand

This was advertised as Mumtaz's last film (even the credit titles say so). And she did disappear after this film before reappearing almost 2 decades later in Aandhiyaan. The ichchhaadhaarii naag and naagin (serpents who can assume any form at will) are blessed with the ability to capture the image of their partner's killer in their eyes and do not rest till they eliminate them. So Reena Roy captures the image of these poor hunks in her mind, and eliminates them one by one. 

Her second last target is Raj. She assumes the form of a girl who could end up being Raj's wife. Although Raj is paranoid by now, having lost so many friends, the naagin still manages to trick him into believing that she is Rajkumari. She plants a poisonous kiss on Raj's lips. As his vision clouds, he tells her,

"tumhaaraa chehraa dhundhlaa dhundhlaa saa..."

She says

"tumhaarii aankho.n ke chiraaG zaraa dheeme paD gaye hai.n"

He has not yet realised, that he has been poisoned. He asks,

"kyo.n?"

She replies,

"muhabbat aur maut me.n yahii hotaa hai"

"मुहब्बत और मौत में यही होता है"

Death and love cloud the vision. Fantastic line.