Jab tum achchhaa kehtii ho to bahut hee achchaa lagtaa hai

Time to go back to Gulzar. This is one of my favourite lines ever. Featured in one of Gulzar's seminal movies - Aandhi (1975). The film is based on a female politician - Aarti Devi (played by Suchitra Sen) and her relationship with a hotelier - JK (Sanjeev Kumar). In this particular scene, Aarti is listening to JK reciting poetry over the phone. When he has finished reciting it, he asks Aarti - achchee hai naa?

Aarti reaffirms - "Bahut achchee hai"

JK says "Pataa hai...jab tum achchaa kehtii ho ...bahut hee achchaa lagtaa hai"

"पता है ...जब तुम अच्छा कहती हो ...बहुत ही अच्छा लगता है"

The line is pretty straightforward if you look at it. The male protagonist recited a poem, the female protagonist confirms her approval. But then the male protagonist says, that the approval - the praise becomes ten times more powerful and relevant when it comes from the female protagonist. And that is where lies the proverbial usage of this line. We all have our soft spots or hot spots or whatever else it is that HR calls it these days. These are things that motivate us. You could call them our drivers. Sometimes these 'things' that motivate us - these 'drivers' are not abstract but personified as individuals. So we like it when 'so and so' praises us. Whereas the same praise when received from another individual does not have the same impact. We all have people whose approval we cherish. Whose praise is something we look forward to. Or as JK said

"जब तुम अच्छा कहती हो ...तो बहुत ही अच्छा लगता है"

Arre naukree milee hai tankhaa naheeN

I have had a lot of queries on the line which features as the title of this blog. Many readers have asked me if I propose to explain this line in detail. I will, I will. But that will have to wait. For the moment, I am featuring another line from that cult classic - Chashme Baddoor.

Siddhaarth Paraashar (Faarooque Sheikh) is an intelligent and educated young man who is in love with Neha Raajan (Deepti Naval). They normally meet at Rajnigandha restaurant and have a tooty fruity ice cream and a coffee. So one day when Siddhaarth goes to meet Neha, he tells her that he has landed a job. Neha is thrilled. She immediately tells the waiter (Keemti Anand) to get a 'double tooty fruity' ice cream. Siddharth's immediate response is

"अरे नौकरी मिली है तंख़्वाह नही"
"Arre Naukri mili hai tankhaaah nahin"

A slightly ruder way of saying the same thing would be

"गांव बसा नही मंगते आ गये"

Literally, the featured line means that I have landed something good, but it is yet to yield fruits. So let us not jump to conclusions and get carried away.

This is a classic line, which I have used many times as a freelancer. If I had landed a lucrative assignment my friends would clamour for a 'treat'. And then I would say this line. So the next

"अरे नौकरी मिली है तंख़्वाह नहीं"

If you have a more thick skinned set of friends, use the other line

"गांव बसा नही मंगते आ गये"

Nayaa khel nayee taash

The Big B is back. This time from the 1976 movie Hera Pheri. In the movie Amitabh plays a conman - Vijay who,along with his partner in crime Ajay (Vinod Khanna) run various scams. In one such scam, Vijay goes to a gambling house and sits down on a high stakes table to play cards. The table is classified as 'no limit' by Asrani, who is a regular patron in that place. When Asrani welcomes Vijay to the table, he says

"Partner, kyaa khayaal hai - naye mehmaan ke saath nayaa khel? No limits? Cut for deal..."

As he proffers the deck of cards, Vijay in that familiar baritone says

"No - nayaa khel nayee taash"

"No नया खेल नयी ताश"

And he asks for a new deck of cards. When you start a new venture, or you take over as the head of an existing venture, many a times you would like to make a new beginning in more ways than one. It could mean a new office, a new car, new staff or even a new mobile phone. Some people take this to excessive limits too. But nonetheless, whenever you are in a new place, and you are trying to get something new, use this line

"नया खेल नयी ताश "

Munh meraa dhulvaayaa aur rickshaw uskaa le gaye

Like Hrishikesh Mukherjee a few posts back, this time Gulzar makes his debut. The line featured is from the movie Angoor. This 1982 movie was based on Shakespeare's classic play - Comedy of Errors. Of course the entire film is full of situations where one twin is mistaken for the other and that gives rise to situational comedy. The fact that there are two twins makes it doubly hilarious. The film has great lines like

"जो घुटनों को ज़ानो कहता है वो अशोक कुमार को किशोर कुमार कहता होगा"

or

"तुमने मुझे नंगा देखा है??"

Both delivered in that impeccably original style of Sanjeev Kumar, who plays the role of the two Ashoks in the film. One Ashok is married and the other is not. The very premise is hilarious, is it not?

The specific situation here is such that one of the twins (the unmarried Ashok) goes to the auto rickshaw stand early in the morning. He goes to the first auto rickshaw and asks him if he is willing to go Hotel Imperial. The driver says that since he has just got up, he would like to freshen up. Ashok agrees. While he is waiting for the driver to come back, a jeweller (who mistakes him for the married Ashok) forcibly hands him a precious necklace. Ashok tries his best to give it back, but the jeweller just runs away. In the heat of the moment, Ashok hails another passing rickshaw and leaves. Just as he is about to drive away, the driver who had gone to freshen up, comes running back and utters this line

"मुंह मेरा धुलवाया और रिक्शा उसका ले गये"

The literal meaning here is that "I washed my face and you have gone in someone else's rickshaw". But the figurative meaning is that I did all the spadework and when it was time to reap the fruits of my labour you have conveniently decided to give the fruits to someone else. A funny equivalent of this could be

राम स्वरूप ने चोरी की और फलस्वरूप पकडा गया

But on a serious note, there are many situations in our life, where we do all the initial spadework in getting a deal or closing a sale. The prospect understands all the finer points from you, but when it comes to handing over the cheque, he goes and gives it to a competitor. If that happens again, you could say

"मुंह मेरा धुलवाया और रिक्शा उसका ले गये"

Main aaj kal kamaal kar rahee hoon

I try and avoid Salim-Javed, but it is hard to do that. What a body of work they have!

More of matter and less of art. This line is from the 1978 Yash Chopra classic Trishul. Probably one of the earliest corporate warfare movies in Hindi cinema. Vijay Kumar (Amitabh Bachchan) is the illegitimate son of Raj Kumar Gupta (Sanjeev Kumar) and Shanti Devi (Waheeda Rehman). Vijay grows up with a burning desire to right the wrongs - perceived and real - done to his mother. After his mother's death, Vijay sets himself up as a builder who challenges the might of M/s RK Gupta. One of R K Gupta's employees - the very efficient Geeta (Raakhee Gulzar) - is fired by R K Gupta. He is under the impression that she has been passing vital information to Vijay. Although the misunderstanding is cleared up (in fact by Vijay himself in a dramatic moment), Geeta still decides to part ways with RK Gupta. Post her separation, she meets Vijay in a five star hotel coffee shop. Vijay starts the conversation with

"Geeta mujhe tumse kuchh kaam hai. isiiliye milnaa chaahtaa thaa. "

"aaj kal  kyaa kar rahee ho"

to which Raakhee responds with

"tumne sunaa hogaa, jo log kuchh nahee.n karte, kamaal karte hai.n. main aaj kal kamaal kar rahee hoo.n"

" तुमने सुना होगा, जो लोग कुछ नहीं करते, कमाल करते हैं. मैं आज कल कमाल कर रही हूं"

I haven't found a better description by lotus-eaters of their vocation. Nick Nolte came close in the Three Fugitives (1989) when he said "I am in between jobs". But this is really interesting. More so probably because it is in Hindi.

Literally it means "I am doing wonderfully well these days". But it would actually mean that you are doing nothing - simbly sitting idle (sic). So go ahead, when you do not have any work to do and someone asks you what you are doing, tell them

"मैं आज कल कमाल कर रहा/रही हूं"

Conversely, do not say "main kamaal kar rahaa hoon" unless you are implying that you are doing nothing. We live in strange times - all communication is strangely layered.

Dekh rahaa hoon aapkaa research kaafii extensive hai

Film : Iqbal
Year of release : 2005
Spoken by : Mohit (Naseeruddin Shah)
Spoken to : Satish Bhatavadekar (D Santosh)
Dialogue writer : Nagesh Kukunoor

A smart alec once said - there are three kinds of lies; lies, white lies and statistics. Since research leans so much on statistics, a lot many uncharitable things have been said about research as well. However, the dialogue featured here is a very unlikely kind of line that you would find in a Hindi commercial film. Now, under normal circumstances you would not associate such a line with Hindi films. But, you find god in the strangest kinds of places, places where you never would have looked. This line is from the 2005 Nagesh Kukunoor movie Iqbal.
The movie is about a deaf and mute young lad Iqbal Khan (played by Shreyas Talpade), who is a very talented fast bowler and wants to play for India. When he finally makes it to the Andhra Pradesh Ranji team and is sitting in the pavilion, he is accosted by a gentleman called Satish Bhatavadekar (played by D Santosh). Mr Bhatavadekar represents a sports management firm called Media Partners which specialises in promoting sportsmen. Mr Bhatavadekar sits right next to Iqbal, introduces himself and goes on to tell him that his firm believes in extensive research. They have been tracking Iqbal since the day he set foot on a cricket ground. After he has spoken for a while, Mohit Suri (Naseeruddin Shah) - Iqbal's coach intervenes - and tells him that Iqbal cannot hear or speak. Mr Bhatavadekar is shocked and says
"kyaa baat kar rahe hain aap"
to which Mohit responds with this great line
"Dekh rahaa hoon aapkaa research kaafii extensive hai"
देख रहा हूं आपका रीसर्च काफ़ी एक्स्टेंसिव् है
The obvious meaning of this line is that "I can see that your research is quite extensive". But metaphorically it can be used whenever anyone speaks as if he is very knowledgeable about something, though it is obvious that he does not know the first thing about it.

Har team mein sirf ek hee GoonDaa ho saktaa hai; aur is team kaa Goondaa main hoon

Film : Chak De India
Year of release : 2007
Spoken by : Kabir Khan (Shah RuKh Khan)
Spoken to : Bindia Naik (Shilpa Shukla)
Dialogue writer : Jaideep Sahni

Recently a colleague who had read my blog, said "It seems the guy who is writing this died in the 1990s". I asked him why he thought so. And he said, "All the lines are featuring movies in the 70s and 80s with a stray 90s line thrown in".

That set me thinking. Am I actually favouring the 70's era here. Though I do believe, that the 70's was the golden era as far as Hindi (and even Indian) cinema is concerned, I DO watch new movies. I AM impressed by some of the lines I hear in new movies too. The criteria for a line finding its way in to this blog is not the date of birth. Featuring in this post, is a very good line that I heard in a 2007 movie - Chak De India. Interestingly, the other 2000's line featured in this blog was also written by the same guy - Jaideep Sahni. He is a writer to watch out for.

And the line is -

"हर टीम में सिर्फ़ एक ही ग़ुंडा हो सकता है और इस टीम का ग़ुंडा मैं हूं"

"Har team mein sirf ek hee GoonDaa ho saktaa hai; aur is team kaa Goondaa main hoon"

Kabir Khan (Shahrukh Khan), a disgraced former hockey captain of the Indian Senior Men's team, has been appointed the coach of the Indian women's hockey team. While he is establishing his authority and credibility with the group, there are a few senior players who do not quickly comply with his training methods. Like the 'seniors' in the Indian cricket team, they try to pursue their own agenda. Like Greg Chappell, Kabir also asserts himself. And prey, how does he do that - with this classic line. This is said to one of the senior players in the team - Bindiya Naayak (played by Shilpa Shukla).

What the line literally means is that 'there can be only one bully in a team, and I am the bully in this team'. I recently heard this line used verbatim in a board room. It struck me that this line can actually become the standard fixture in all team meetings. So go ahead, use this line in all team meetings and assert your authority with aplomb. Of course, the word 'goonda' generally denotes a man. But thanks to the 'Goonda Act', this discrimination has no legal sanction. So those on the distaff side can use this line just as well as the men.

Kaun kambakht kehtaa hai, ki Hitler mar gayaa

I am a huge fan of Hrishikesh Mukherjee and I believe that some of the best Hindi movies ever made (or will be made) would have his name under the director's column. I would have seen most of his 40 odd films starting from the 1957 Musaafir to the swan-turned-duckling song - Jhooth Bole Kauva Kaate. But there are some of his films, which have huge repeat value. Every time you see them, you enjoy them even more. Now, there are a lot of Hrishida film lines which would feature in this blog, but this is his debut here. So I need to try and do some justice to it.

While I have been rambling on about Hrishida, what I have not mentioned hitherto is that the film that this line belongs to, is Golmaal. This film was released in the year 1979 and turned out to be one of the biggest hits of the year. The plot is simple. A young man who is just out of college seeks employment with an extremely fastidious, finnicky and fussy man. This man - Bhawani Shankar (superbly played by Utpal Dutt) - has set views on most things. Unless you agree with him, you cannot co-exist. One of Bhawani Shankar's friends - Doctor Mama (played by David) - knows of his idiosyncrasies. Hence, he prepares his nephew - Ramprasad Sharma (Amol Palekar) - in an appropriate way before he can approach Bhawani Shankar for employment with Urmila Traders (Bhawani Shankar's firm). This includes teaching him how to dress, how to speak, what to say and what not to. This is the pre-story.

As Doctor Mama starts narrating Bhawani Shankar's likes and dislikes, Ramprasad becomes increasingly despondent. He realises that the candidate Bhawani Shankar is looking for is as different from him as chalk and cheese. But the last remark by Doctor Mama acts as the proverbial last straw. Doctor Mama says

"सर पर तेल भी अच्छी तरह से चुपड लेना"

This prompts Ramprasad to respond with the classic line:

"Mamaji Kaun kambakht kehtaa hai, ki Hitler mar gayaa"

"मामाजी, कौन कम्बख़्त कहता है, कि हिटलर मर गया"

All of us come across such extreme characters from time to time. People who brook no dissent. People who go to extreme lengths to ensure that their will is done. People who say "My way or highway". Whenever you meet or hear about such a person in future - try using this line.

कौन कम्बख़्त कह्ता है, कि हिटलर मर गया

Main bhii chanduu nahi hoon

Film : Company
Year of release : 2002
Spoken by : Srinivasan (Mohanlal)
Spoken to : Mallik (Ajay Devgan)
Dialogue writer : Jaideep Sahni

Spoken in true-blue MalayaaLii style by MohanLal in one of his rare Hindi film appearances, this is a classic. Of course, to get the full import of this line, you will have to see the movie. Which one am I referring to? The 2002 movie Company. I thought Company was less dramatic than Satya; it had a certain clinical feel to it. But even so, it had some great lines. I might feature some other lines later on in this blog. But time to now get down to the brasstacks as far as this one is concerned. MohanLal plays a top cop Srinivasan in this film, who is perennially chasing the underworld dons. Towards the fag end of the movie, when Malik (Ajay Devgan)'s right hand man Chandu Nagare (Viveik Oberoi) has surrendered, Srinivasan calls Malik and asks him to surrender too and cut a deal with the police. To this Malik responds with a Salim-Javedesque line

"Srinivasan saahab, main Chandu nahee hoon"

"श्रीनिवासन साहब, मैं चन्दू नहीं हूं"

The literal meaning, of course, is that I am Malik and not Chandu. But what is being beautifully implied in this line is that - 'Dear interlocutor, please do not make the error of considering me to be like that other person, I am made of sterner stuff.'

As this conversation meanders along, it reaches a point where Malik makes a counter offer to Srinivasan. He asks Srinivasan to work for him and earn much more than he is doing at that moment. Srinivasan retorts with the line which is featured in the subject

'मलिक मे बी चन्दू नइ हूं' (sic)

'Malik me bee chandoo nai hoon'

I have written it in slightly erroneous Hindi to create a verisimilitude of the way, MohanLal actually delivers the line. I think that is part of the charm of the line. So if you intend to use this line, use it as it is written above. Of course, it would still mean the same; "Don't underestimate me, I am made of much sterner stuff than you think. "

So go ahead, use this line freely and do let me know what you think of this post and of this blog in general. Till the next post then. Toodle-oo

You got to ask me nicely

Now for those of you who have seen the 1992 movie "A few good men" - instant recognition would be seen on your countenance; for those who have not - I must strongly recommend that you see this film. Broadly can be categorised as what is called a courtroom drama, but it is a must see for some of the powerful lines spouted by Jack Nicholson. He plays the role of Col Nathan R Jessop, head of a marine unit in Guantanamo Bay Cuba. One of the marines, Willie Santiago, in his unit dies under suspicious circumstances. It is suspected that he died during the administration of a "code red". While investigating this, the navy lawyer Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise) asks Jessop for Santiago's transfer order. Jessop responds with

"You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely."

Jessop is insisting that Danny should add a sir while asking him for "whatever it is that he wants". He has got to "ask him nicely"

Now when we go out into any office, you have to be very careful that you don't trip over the myriad king size egos all around. People would go to extreme lengths to ensure that they do not do work for people who they think are arrogant. They have to "be asked nicely". Hence, in a world full of such insecure people, when you ask someone to get information from a highly egotistical officer ("Are there any other kinds?"), remember

"You got to ask nicely"

I thought I would slip in an English quote. Next time we will be back to the traditional Hindi fare. Watch this space.