Agar mujhe sharm aane lagegii, to tere aur mere me.n farq kyaa reh jaayegaa

Film : Ghulami

Year of release : 1985

Spoken by : Jaabar (Mithun Chakraborty)

Spoken to : Tulsi (Anita Raj)

One of JP Dutta's earliest films. Extremely unwatchable. The kind of film that makes you demand the inclusion of films within the ambit of Consumer Protection Act. And this is inspite of having Kulbhushan Kharbanda, Dharmendra, Naseeruddin Shah, Mithun and Smita Patil in this film. Enough of my ranting. There are some interesting lines, however, which Jaabar i.e. Mithun has in this film. Click on the label 'Ghulami' or search using the search box for other lines from this film.

Jaabar's (Mithun) animals have strayed from their normal grazing route, and he now has to round them up. Obviously this is hard work and an angry Jaabar curses his animals while rounding them up. His girl friend Tulsi (Anita Raj) is slightly embarrassed and chides him for swearing in her presence. She says that he should be ashamed of his action.

Jabar says

"Sharm to ladkiyon kaa gehnaa hai agar mujhe sharm aane lagegee to tere aur mere me.n farq kyaa reh jaayegaa"

"शर्म तो लड़कियों का गहना है, अगर मुझे शर्म आने लगेगी तो तेरे और मेरे में फर्क़ क्या जायेगा"

These are lines which are unapologetically macho. A far cry from today's androgenous generation where the gender lines seem to have blurred. You might agree with them or disagree with them, but you cannot ignore them.

Aisaa kuchh laa jo ang pe lage

Film : Rangeela

Year of release : 1995

Spoken by : Munna (Aamir Khan)

Spoken to : Waiter at 5 star (Rajeev Mehta)

One of Ramgopal Varma's non RGV-esque films. This was a romantic musical on the lines of Singing in the Rain (another film I love). Although there is a 'Taporii' character in the film (also referred to as 'bhai'), but he is as lovable as they come. In one of the most shocking statements, RGV (post release) said that Govinda would have done a better job. I felt Aamir lent a certain dignity to the role.

Coming back to the line, Munna has invited Mili to a 'date' to a five star restaurant. He is obviously out of place in a five star. This makes his exchange with the snobbish waiter a treat. The waiter incidentally is played by Rajeev Mehta who is now a TV star (remember the Praful 'gadha' from KhichDii) of many serials. And he plays a fantastic foil to Munna's naivete.

Munna asks the waiter what are the items on offer - like you would in an Udupi 'hotel'. He would have expected - 'vada pav, misal pav, kanda bhajia...' kind of response. But what does he get! A list of items in English, that he has never heard of in his life. Instead of showing his ignorance by asking what they are, he comes up with this brilliant line:

"arre wo angreejii item nahee.n chaahiye apun ko, aisaa kuchh laa jo ang pe lage"

"अरे वो अंग्रेजी आइटम नहीं चाहिये अपुन को, ऐसा कुछ ला जो अंग पे लगे"

You should watch this movie just for Rajeev Mehta's reaction to Aamir's one liners.

The world is fast moving towards a multi-cuisine existence. Twenty years ago if someone said that his favourite dish is the Lebanese Shavarma, he would be someone who would be trying to impress. Today it is actually possible. So if you end up in a foreign cuisine restaurant and the waiter throws some foreign names at you, use this line. If he is an Indian waiter, he will understand and get you something that is deep fried. And as my mother says, anything that is deep fried or put in sugar syrup is good on the palate.

Saliim tujhe marne nahee.n dega aur hum tujhe jeene nahee.n denge

Film : Mughal-e-Azam

Year of release: 1960

Spoken by: Akbar (Prithviraj Kapoor)

Spoken to: Anarkali (Madhubala)

The lid had been blown off the Salim-Anarkali love story and it has now reached a situation where Akbar has decided to execute Anarkali. However Salim has promised Anarkali that he will consummate their love, and Anarkali begs Akbar to let Salim fulfil his promise, or else, the future emperor of India will be proved a liar. Akbar grants her the wish, saying that at the end of the day she has to make Salim unconscious, so that his soldiers can carry Anarkali away for execution. In his words -

"taaki voh teri maut se naa aashnaa ho jaaye, tujhe bhool jaaye, aur hamaare pehredaar tujhe behosh aashiq ke pehloo se uThaa kar, maut kee aaGosh me.n gum kar de.n"

Anarkali agrees to this plan. She says

"maut muhabbat se qareeb ho gayee. aisaa hee hogaa."

Akbar however delivers his immortal ultimatum thus -

'agar aisa naa huaa, to saliim tujhe marne nahee.n dega.. aur hum, anarkali, tujhe jeene nahee.n denge'

"अगर ऐसा ना हुआ, तो सलीम तुझे मरने नहीं देगा और हम अनारकली, तुझे जीने नहीं देंगे' 

kaii baar ke liye ek baar zaroorii hai

Film : Bazaar
Year of release : 1982
Spoken by : Salim (Naseeruddin Shah)
Spoken to : Najma (Smita Patil)

Salim is a poet and a civilized man. He loves Najma, but is willing to wait for his turn. He tries to tell her that Akhtar (Bharat Kapoor) will never marry her, and she should take a decision in her life. But she lingers on to a false hope with Akhtar. But she does have a soft corner for Salim.

Salim calls her up one day and says

"tumse ek baar milnaa hai"
Najma: kab?
Salim : Jab tum chaaho.
Najma: ek hii baar kyo.n?

Then Salim with the subtlety and finesse of the poet that he is, slips in this gem. He says

"kaii baar ke liye ek baar zaroorii hai"
"कई बार के लिये एक बार ज़रूरी है"

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, eh!

chaaTnaa hai to ice cream mangaa

Film : Jaane Tu...Ya Jaane Na
Year of release : 2008
Spoken by : Bagheera (Arbaaz Khan)
Spoken to : Inspector Vaghmare (Paresh Rawal)

This film has a comic book feel to it and this feel is further accentuated by the names given to the two screen brothers played by two real life brothers Arbaaz and Sohail Khan. They are called Bhaloo and Bagheera in this film. This is obviously a nod to the Jungle Book characters.

Bhaloo and Bagheera go around the city - displaying wanton behaviour all around. Inspector Vaghmare arrests them and throws them into the lock up. When they are in the lock up he realises that the two are connected to the high and mighty. He then tries to ingratiate himself to them. Bagheera gets disgusted and says,

"chaaTnaa hai to ice cream mangaa"
"चाटना है तो आइस क्रीम मंगा"

You will be 'suee' I will be 'suar'

Film : Kambakkht Ishq

Year of release : 2009

Spoken by : KeswaNi (Javed Jaffrey)

Spoken to : Hot Dog Stall owner (Bill Marinella)

This is such a crap film that I can't even tell you. But I found this very interesting and funny line which I thought I should share. It is a great take on the lessor-lessee or mortgagor-mortgagee kind of terms that are used in financial sector. I have spent my entire life in the financial sector and I found this dig at these legal-financial terms very droll.

This film of course is a shameless copy of the 2002 Tamil superhit Pammal K Sambandham which had superb writing by Crazy Mohan and superb acting by Kamalahaasan. In the original there is a character of a person who is very fond of going to the consumer court for everything. This character is played by Madan Bob. A similar character is fleshed out in KI, with Javed Jaffrey doing the honours.

He goes to a hot dog stall owner and buys a hot dog for 2 dollars. Then he fishes out a needle (or suee) and claims that he found the needle inside the hotdog. He threatens to sue the hot dog stall owner. Using a delightful pun he says

"You will be 'suee' I will be 'suar'"

Barsaat ki pehli boond ko tapti hui zameen par gir kar fana honaa hi paRtaa hai

Film : Ghulaami

Year of release : 1985

Spoken by : Sumitra (Smita Patil)

Spoken to : Ranjit Singh (Dharmendra)

Dialogue writer : OP Dutta

Ranjit Singh has become an outlaw. His childhood friend Sumitra tries to broker peace (she has now married a police officer) and arranges a meeting with Ranjit to try and convince him to give up the path of armed resistance. Ranjit Singh is reluctant to do so. Sumitra gives him the logic that is beautifully brought out in this quotation

"The trouble with being a pioneer is that you get shot by Red Indians"

She says

"Barsaat ki pehlii boond ko taptii huii zameen par gir kar fana honaa hi paRtaa hai'"