Baandra ka bhaav bolo baap landan kaa nahee.n

Film : Jalwaa

Year of release : 1987

Spoken by : Inspector Kapil (in disguise)

Spoken to : Drug dealer

Dialogue writer : Kamalesh Pandey

There is a plethora of malls in and around Delhi now. In fact they are there all over India. Every luxury international brand is freely available in India now. However, most visitors end up not even window shopping at these shops (with the kind of names these shops have). The reason could be that they would have walked in to ask the price of an innocent looking hand bag with a name that sounds like सूई खींचों and would have been told that this 8x6 inch handbag costs 1.3 lac rupees. Their gut reaction would be what this character said 24 years ago. But these shops flourish because there are many in this country who don't mind paying that kind of money. But we'll let all that be. 

Kapil is an inspector who has vowed to rid Goa of its drug culture. Ostensibly, he failed or else we might not have seen the film Dum Maaro Dum this year. This film was inspired from the Eddie Murphy flick The Beverly Hills Cop and saw the arthouse Naseer crossover to commercial cinema after pumping some serious iron. 

Kapil goes to a drug dealer in disguise - as a handicapped old man. The dealer can't resist taking a shot at his age. He tells the dealer

"dekho saahab maskharii nahee.n. bhaav bolo bhaav bolo. "

The dealer says,

"ram kaa bees rupaye kvaarter. shyaam kaa das rupayaa."

Kapil acts surprised. And then comes up with this classic line, which you can use with the mall guys when they quote their rates. 

"brown sugar kaa das rupaya! are bandra ka bhaav bolo baap landan kaa nahee.n"

"ब्राउन शुगर का दस रुपया! अरे बान्द्रा का भाव बोलो बाप लन्दन का नहीं" 

If you are in Delhi, you can use Sadar Bazaar instead of Bandra.

The idea for this post is courtesy a friend who remembered this line, after he had to pay a reasonably heavy bill at a restaurant. I think he wanted to use this line with the waiter, but unfortunately he ended up leaving a tip on top of the billed amount. :)

Vaise bhii chor log chashmaa nahee.n pahantaa

Film : Hera Pheri 

Year of release : 2000

Spoken by : Baburao Ganpatrao Apte (Paresh Rawal)

Spoken to : Raju (Akshay Kumar) 

Dialogue writer : Neeraj Vora

Shyam (Sunil Shetty) and Raju have an interesting misunderstanding whereby both think the other person is a thief, a pick pocket. Shyam realises later that Raju was not a thief, but Raju still believes Shyam to be a thief. After this misunderstanding, Shyam lands up at Baburao's house (where Raju is already a tenant) and takes a room on rent. The moment Raju sees Shyam, he shouts at him and tells Baburao that Shyam is a thief. Shyam says he is not a thief. Baburao anyway does not trust Raju too much as he has defaulted in payment of rent for over 6 months. So he decides to believe Shyam. But once he has handled Raju, he quietly asks Shyam.

ae, ek baat bataa. tu sachmuch chor nahee.n hai naa?

ए, एक बात बता, तू सचमुच चोर नहीं है ना?

nahee.n babu bhaiyya! (says Shyam)

नहीं बाबू भैय्या!

And then comes Baburao's slam dunk line.

haa.n vaise bhii chor log chashmaa nahee.n pahantaa. 

हाँ, वैसे भी चोर लोग चशमा नहीं पहनता. 

And then as evidence of this new found trust, he gives Shyam some money and asks him to get a 'khambaa' (bottle of country liquor) for him. 

There are some home truths like this, that a lot of people believe in. That if you see a person wearing glasses, he has got to be respectable! Read another such interesting theory in this earlier post. 

ek dum fresh approach rahegaa

Film : Chashme Buddoor

Year of release : 1981

Spoken by : Jomo or J Lakhanpal (Ravi Baswani)

Spoken to : Neha Rajan (Deepti Naval)

Dialogue writer : Sai Paranjpe

One of my all time favourite films. The two philandering friends Jomo and Omi have noticed a new girl in their locality and they are going to take turns to try to woo her. Who will try first - this question is decided by a pack of cards. As Omi says - Jiskii mem uskee game, i.e. whosoever draws a queen first gets to try first. Omi gets that chance and messes it up. Now it is Jomo's turn. He goes to Neha's house as an asst. director and says he has seen her in a play held at Daulat Ram College. Neha smiles and says 

"maine aaj tak stage par qadam nahee.n rakhaa"

To Jomo's credit he does not flinch a bit and come back with a great line. He says

"tab to aur bhee achchhe. ek dum fresh approach rahegaa"

"तब तो और भी अच्छे. एक दम फ़्रेश अप्रोच रहेगा" 

So if you are a rank novice at something, you can present that as a virtue by using this line. Well if I was to be interviewed for the post of India's prime ministership, that'd be a good line to use :)

Jis insaan kaa maqsad sirf nuqsaan ho usse kisee kaa faayadaa nahee.n ho saktaa

Film : Maqbool

Year of release : 2003

Spoken by : Jahangir Khan (Pankaj Kapoor)

Spoken to :  Kaka (Piyush Mishra)

Dialogue writer : Vishal Bharadwaj

One of the most interesting relationships in Hindi cinema is the one between Jahangir Khan and Kaka. Jahangir is the mafia don. He gets an offer from a terrorist group for helping in a terrorist attack. The amount at stake is 30 crore rupees. He refuses the deal. Kaka is a bit surprised at his refusal. Jahangir explains it with this great line,

"Jis insaan kaa maqsad sirf nuqsaan ho usse kisee kaa faayadaa nahee.n ho saktaa"

"जिस इंसान का मक़सद सिर्फ़ नुक़्सान हो उससे किसी का फ़ायदा नहीं हो सकता"

aur kisee ko chaahiye promotion

Film : Dabangg

Year of release : 2010

Spoken by : Chulbul Pandey (Salman Khan)

Spoken to : His team of policemen

Dialogue writer : Dilip Shukla and Abhinav Singh Kashyap

Chulbul Pandey has led his team in a raid to catch the daring daylight robbers of the Bank of Uttar Pradesh. When I say led, I mean he does it single handedly. His team arrives just in time to share the spoils. This is the interesting team meeting that happens post the capture of the robbers. The character of Constable Chaubey is played by Ram Sujan in the film. 

Chaubey ji : namaste saahab. ham sab bandobast pe haazir hai.n. kahaa.n hai.n haraamzaade.

Chulbul : haraamzaade se yaad aayaa Chaubey ji, aapake aadaraNeeya pitaashree aajkal kaise hai.n

jii Theek hai.n sir

good. Dakait andar paDe hai.n. ghaayal hai.n bechaaro.n ko chhoD do.

Chaubey ji : chhoD de.n?! lekin hamko phir promotion kaise milegaa sir?

Chulbul : ham bataate hai.n naa Chaubey ji. report likhiye, ke police ne Dakaito.n ko gher liyaa thaa, golii baarii huee. cross firing ke andar hamaare ek naujawaan bahaadur sipaahii ko golii lag gayee. 

Chaubey ji : golii lag gayii? lekin hamaare sab sipaahii surakshit hai.n sir.

Bang. Chaubey is shot in the right arm by Chulbul. 

Chulbul : kisko golii lagii chaubeyji

Chaubey ji : hamko hamko sir.

Chulbul : aur kisii ko chaahiye promotion.

और किसी को चाहिये प्रोमोशन.

Another constable : nahee.n sir. nahee.n sir. aglee baar. aglee baar. 

I was very tempted to put up this line as the main one. ' aglee baar. aglee baar'. But then I don't know who that character is. So I am taking the easy way out and crediting it to the more famous actor. 

It is not the age, it is the mileage

Film : Johnny Gaddar

Year of release : 2007

Spoken by : Seshaadri (Dharmendra)

Spoken to : Vikram (Neil Nitin Mukesh)

Dialogue writer : Sriram Raghavan

Sriram Raghavan in my view is the best director among the current lot. Of course this line is a take on the Indiana Jones lines from the 1981 film Raiders of the Lost Ark, where he says "It's not the years honey, it's the mileage". Dharmendra plays a Tam Brahm and thankfully not in the stereotypical Mehmood PaDosan way. 

Vikram (or Johnny) asks him if he is not afraid of keeping so much cash at home (one crore rupees). In response Seshu twists Vikram's arm behind his back and pins him down. While doing this he says, 

"koee chor uchakkaa aa jaaye to kyaa karoo.n"

By now, Vikram is pleading with a tame 'sorry sir'. Seshu releases him and says

"It is not the age, it is the mileage"

Well just another way of saying 'BuDDhaah hogaa teraa baap".

ek to in logo.n ne 'Devdas' ka remake banaa banaa ke bachcho.n ke dimaaG kaa satyaanaash kar diyaa hai

Film : Break Ke Baad

Year of release : 2010

Spoken by : Pammi Gulati (Lillette Dubey)

Spoken to : Abhay Gulati (Imran Khan)

Dialogue writer : Renuka Kunzru

Please don't see this film just because this dialogue is being featured. I try to make the most of adverse situations. But this film was an extremely adverse situation. Anyway, this very complex film has the hero and heroine being great buddies, then breaking up, then realising that they were actually lovers. Brilliant. I should never have started this post. Let me get this over soon.

A heartbroken Abhay is speaking to his aunt Pammi. And he tells her that he cannot love ever again. Pammi is a more pragmatic woman, who urges him to move on with life. She is quite upset to hear this from Abhay and responds with this line.

"ek to in logo.n ne 'Devdas' ka remake banaa banaa ke bachcho.n ke dimaaG kaa satyaanaash kar diyaa hai"

"एक तो इन लोगों ने देवदास का रीमेक बना बना के बच्चों के दिमाग़ का सत्यानाश कर दिया है.

Yeah I too have wondered why has this story been remade so many times. You can see on the right hand side, even on this blog, for the last many months, the most popular dialogue has been the one from Devdas. 

Bbuddah hoga terra baap - Amitabh Bachchan's dialogue error

The just released Amitabh Bachchan film pays a tribute to a lot of his famous dialogues. But I was surprised and hurt that a perfectionist like Amitabh flicked a Bob Christo dialogue as his own. Incidentally Bob Christo had passed away earlier this year on 20th March. 

You can read this dialogue on one of my earlier posts here. 

You can watch the entire scene here, starting at time code 07:33. Ram Sethi protests Bob Christo's forcible entry into the line. Bob Christo mouths this line. Amitabh just copies the line at 08: 34

हम भी वो हैं जो कभी किसी के पीछे नही खड़े होते. जहा खड़े हो जाते है लाइन वहीं से शुरु हो जाती है.

Time we started giving credit to the guy who actually said it and the guy who wrote it, i.e. Bob Christo and Inder Raj Anand, respectively.