yeh hindustaan me.n kyaa kar rahaa hai

Film : Hero Hiralal

Year of release : 1988

Spoken by : Bhagwan (Satish Shah)

Spoken to : Aziz (Saeed Jaffrey) and Rangila (Mohan Gokhale)

Dialogue writer : Hriday Lani

Hero's friends Aziz, Rangila and Bhagwan go to the bungalow where Sitara Devi (Deepa Sahi) has kept hero (Naseer) for some silly death defying stunt (rather a lethal stunt). As they make their way in, Dukhilal the watchman (Deepak Kejriwal) is in the process of frog marching a hapless reporter to the exit gate. 

Aziz carefully approaches Dukhilal, who has guessed the reason for their visit. He refuses to allow them to meet Hero. Rangila aggressively says that Hero is their friend and they have a right to meet him. Dukhilal is not moved. Now that request and aggression and name dropping hasn't worked, Bhagwan suggests that it's time for good old bribery. He moves the other two aside, and walks up to Dukhilal. He says,

"bhaiyyaa jee baat aisee hai ki, aajkal zamaanaa kitnaa Kharaab hai eh, aur phir mehengaai bhee kitnee baDh gaee hai. phir uspe chaai paanee kaa kharchaa nahee mile to gussaa to aave hai naa..."

he slips in some money into Dukhilal's hands and says

'to ye lo aur ThanDe ho jaao, samjhe' and then he turns to his two friends and triumphantly winks at them. Exactly at that moment, Dukhilal lets loose what is called 'ulTe haath kaa' and says

'yeh ghoos hee is desh kee satyaanaashee jaD hai, dukhilaal ko ghoos dete ho bhaee, hai.n? ye ghoos leke yahaa.n se nikal jaao varnaa ek hee ghoose me.n ye ghoos me.n hee ghus jaayegee..

bhagwan comes up with a classic

waah mere maalik, yeh hindustaan me.n kyaa kar rahaa hai. 

वाह मेरे मालिक, ये हिन्दुस्तान में क्या कर रहा है

Well 23 years later, not much has changed, I still hear this line when someone talks of probity and honesty. 

chowkidaar kabhee aurat dekhe hai.n

Film : Hip Hip Hurray

Year of release : 1984

Spoken by : Sandeep Chaudhary (Raj Kiran)

Spoken to : Anuradha Roy (Deepti Naval) 

Dialogue writer : Gulzar

There were recent articles about Raj Kiran surfacing in some mental asylum somewhere and that reminded me of this film and then of this line. This film ranks among my all time favourite youth/sports films. Sandeep and Anuradha are both teachers in a school in Ranchi. Sandeep is the sports teacher and Anuradha the history teacher. They bond with each other. Once when they are out for a cup of coffee, Sandeep pays the bill. Anuradha protests saying that women are equal to men in all aspects and they can do everything that men can. Sandeep accepts the fact that women are equally capable, but also comes up with a quip which made me think three decades ago. It still makes me think. He says

'chowkidaar kabhee aurat dekhe hai.n'

'चौकीदार कभी औरत देखे हैं'

Interestingly I have seen women police personnel, army personnel, pilots, doctors even auto drivers and bus conductors. But never a chowkidaar. If you have do let me know. 

baDhee huee tulsii dikhtee hai. bahen nahee.n dikhtii

Film : City of Gold - Mumbai 1982 : Ek Ankahee Kahaani

Year of release : 2010

Spoken by : Manju Dhuri (Veena Jamkar)

Spoken to : Mohan Dhuri (Vineet Kumar)

Dialogue writer : Abhijit Deshpande

A story of the mill workers who suffered while Mumbai prospered. One of the suffering families has the twenty-something girl Manju giving into the wiles of the neighbourhood baniya's son. Everyday in the morning she goes out into the balcony, and  on the pretext of watering the tulsi (basil) plant, also feeds her romance with the baniya's son in the store across the street. In return she gets a waiver on the family's food bill and a gold chain too. When her mother Lakshmi (Seema Biswas) notices this chain, she asks Manju about its provenance. Manju says that it is artificial jewellery. Her cricket crazy elder brother Mohan comments (after Lakshmi has left)

'naqlii nahee.n lagtee ye chain'

Manju says

'aslee laane ke liye paise kahaa.n se laaoo.n'

Mohan quips (with a none-too veiled reference to her daily morning dalliance)

'baahar kee tulsii apne aap nahee.n baDh rahee hai'

Hindi films do not give too many great lines to women characters. This will rank among them even after ten years. Make that 20 (India is not going to change in a hurry)

Manju says

"baDhee huee tulsee dikhtee hai. bahen nahee.n dikhtee. besharam'

"बढी हुई तुलसी दिखती है. बहन नहीं दिखती. बेशरम." 

in an obvious reference to the elder brother having failed in his duty of marrying off his sister and hence having lost the right to make such wisecracks.