Main to inko tabse jaantaa hoon jab inke baal safed the

Film : Jeenaa Yahaan

Year of release :  1979

Spoken by : Umesh (Unknown)

Spoken to : Shekhar (Shekhar Kapur)
Dialogue writer : Basu Chatterjee

Shekhar Kapur did a few films with his then girl friend Shabana Azmi. Jeena Yahaan was one of them. Very rarely do real life couples have online chemistry. Dharam-Hema and Rishi-Neetu notable exceptions. Shabana and Shekhar too dont have much going by way of chemistry. Anyways the film was a Basu Chatterjee film. And hence I had to see it. Nothing much to recommend in the movie though. Even Salilda's music was stale. But I love this line.

Shekhar is helping to organise a function marking the inauguration of a new venture of one of his friends. Another friend Umesh (unknown actor and a new member of the group) is also helping out. Mr Mathur (R S Chopra) arrives with his family just then.  Shekhar welcomes him and introduces Mr. Mathur to Umesh.

Shekhar: Umesh, Mathur ko pehchaante ho? उमेश, माथुर को पहचानते हो?

(To Mathur) Umesh, hamaare group kaa nayaa member hai. उमेश, हमारे ग्रूप का नया मॅम्बर है.

Umesh: Mathur ko kaun nahii.n pehchaantaa. Main to inko tabse jaantaa hoon jab inke baal safed the. Kaale to ab huye hain. माथुर को कौन नहीं पह्चानता. मैं तो इनको तबसे जानता हूं जब इनके बाल सफ़ेद थे. काले तो अब हुये हैं

Guffaws and twitters all around and a very red faced Mathur. Good line Mr. Chatterjee. Well done! Can't say that for the rest of the film though.

I'll sue you all in American court

Film : 3 Idiots

Year of release : 2009

Spoken by :  Chatur Ramalingam (Omi Vaidya)

Spoken to : Farhan and Raju (Madhavan and Sharman)
Dialogue writer : Rajkumar Hirani and Abhijat Joshi

The climax of this all time classic - Farhan and Raju are looking for Rancho and when Chatur calls them, they think they have finally found him. But the search turns out to be longer. They are forced to go to Manali and finally to Ladakh. Chatur has an important meeting and refuses to go. Farhan and Raju gag him, tie him up and forcibly take him along. When they reach the home stretch (the beautiful raw beauty of Ladakh), they untie him. As the gag comes off, the first thing that Chatur says ;

"I'll sue you all in American court"

A great line which in one fell swoop trashes the Indian legal system (and rightly so) and communicates the options available with Chatur. Given the Indian legal system and its long pendency, it is an empty threat - if you say "I will sue you". Because the eventual victory (if at all) would by Pyrrhic at best. Now, thanks to this line, this threat suddenly gets potent. So next time, someone has dealt fraudulently or unfairly with you, use this new threat. 

Ek aur ghaRii bhii to hai jo peT me.n chaltii hai

Film: Kinara

Year of release : 1977

Spoken by : Aarti Sanyal (Hema Malini)

Spoken to : Inderjeet (Jeetender)

Actually the 'spoken to' column should say Prakash, because Aarti thinks she is speaking to Prakash, though it is actually Inderjeet. I was reminded of this film recently because the story of the recent Lafangey Parindey is loosely based on Kinara. Though I must add a caveat that I have not seen Lafangey Parindey and hence this need not be taken as authoritative. But I have seen Kinara. It is one of Gulzar's forgettable films with absolutely unforgettable music by RD Burman. Very slow and boring film. No performances worth speaking. Though Hema's dancing skills seem well exploited. But the music is worth its weight in gold.

Coming back to the line, Prakash/Inderjeet drops Aarti (who is blind) home after a visit to the church. As Inderjeet is about to take leave of her, she says, it is already 6 pm, so he might as well have tea before leaving. Inder wonders aloud as to how she knows the time.

I thought she would say 'braille watch' or something like that. But the answer surprised me. I liked it as well. So here it is - for your reading pleasure.

"एक और घड़ी भी तो है जो पेट में चलती है" 

"Ek aur ghaRii bhii to hai jo peT me.n chaltii hai"

I don't remember any other Hindi film dialogue that refers to the body clock!

I explain NEVER

Film: Bulundi

Year of release : 1981

Spoken by : Professor Satish Khurana (Raaj Kumar)

Spoken to : Principal (Nitin Sethi)

Raaj Kumar was one of the breed of originals in Bollywood. He was original - even when being ungrammatical. This is a story about a Professor (played by Raaj Kumar) who is approached by some rich men to mend the ways of their wayward sons. He accepts the challenge and does the seemingly impossible job. You can see a very young Rakesh Bedi and Gulshan Grover as college students here and Danny (in probably) the only double role of his career. Raaj Kumar is verbose and bombastic for the most part. He is accused of leaking exam papers to his pupils. The principal (Nitin Sethi) demands an explanation. Prof Khurana responds with

"I never explain. मैं जागे ज़मीर का इंसान हूँ. तशरीह मुल्ज़िम या बुज़्दिल किया करते हैं. I explain NEVER."

The word 'tashreeh' of course means explanation. Raaj Kumar was also fond of intimidating the antagonists with chaste Urdu. Why use bullets when you can use Urdu? Also his style of emphasising on 'never' by placing it at the end of the sentence is most droll. 

A film that will always rank among Danny's top ten performances. And Danny of course is one of the most under rated actors of Bollywood. 

So next time your boss calls you into a cabin and wishes to read the riot act to you; tell your boss, you are one whose conscience is wide awake and such people explain - NEVER. :)

Raashan pe bhaashan bahut hai par bhaashan pe raashan koii nahii

Film : Upkaar

Year of  release : 1967

Spoken by : Malang Baba (Pran)

Spoken to : Various characters

A hark back to the 'raashan' era, where ordinary middle class citizens spent a lot of time getting this ungettable object.

This is the film which turned Pran's image from the despicable rogue that he played with elan to a 'character actor'. This was then taken to greater lengths with films like Zanjeer and Majboor. Pran along with Nirupa Roy became Amitabh's lucky charm. So much so that when he and ABCL were struggling badly, he got Pran to come out of retirement and do a special act with him in that crap film called Mrityudaata. The film was so bad that no amount of luck or charm could help it.

But Upkaar was the beginning of the Bharat series of patriotic films. It was riding on the Indo-Pak war and the personality of Late LB Shastri. But it is not a bad film either. Well written, good songs and some great characters - like this Malang fellow whose shibboleth is

"राशन पे भाषण बहुत है, पर भाषण पे राशन कोई नहीं, इसलिये जब भी बोलता हूं, ज़्यादा ही बोलता हूं"

"Raashan pe bhaashan bahut hai, par bhaashan pe raashan koee nahee.n, isliye jab bhii boltaa hoon. zyaadaa hee boltaa hoo.n'

Use it whenever you are accused of being garrulous.

Hum to Doobenge sanam tum ko bhii le Doobenge

Film : Aawaara

Year of release : 1951

Spoken by : Raj (Raj Kapoor)

Spoken to : Rita (Nargis)

This is a line which instantly reminds me of my 9th grade English textbook. There was a story written by a Bhabhani thingummajig which was entitled Mere Monkeys. If that short story was to be made into a Hindi film, I would have given it the same title as the title of this post.

One of the lasting impressions that I have in this film is a 11-12 year old Shashi Kapoor going and asking his mother 'Maa yeh aawaaraa kyaa hotaa hai'. It is probably the most contrived line I have heard in the history of Hindi cinema. Shashi Kapoor even at that tender age had the grace to look very very embarrassed. You must watch the film for just this one line. But otherwise this film - written by Khwaaja Ahmad Abbas - whose great grandson Shahid Kapoor is setting the screen on fire these days - was a paean to the socialist version of the nature vs nurture debate. Ever since Hitler did what he did, most scientists are loathe to propound any theory which links behaviour or traits to genetics. Khwaaja Ahmad Abbas tries to settle it in favour of 'nurture' with this film. Hence KN Singh goes to great lengths to disprove the judge's theory that a thief's son will turn out to be a thief. He picks up the judge's son and turns him into an 'aawaara' - a vagabond.

Anyways this line has nothing to do with all the pseudo serious drivel that I have written above. Raj and his girl friend Rita are frolicking on the beach. The famous Raj-Nargis chemistry is evident. They both have jumped into a small 'bay'. While Rita has managed to come out, Raj hasn't. He extends his hand out asking for help and utters this classic line.

"Hum to Doobenge sanam tum ko bhii le Doobenge"

"हम तो डूबेंगे सनम तुम को भी ले डूबेंगे"

Maine abhii tak decide nahee.n kiyaa hai

Film : Road

Year of release : 2002

Spoken by : Babu (Manoj Bajpai)

Spoken to : Lakshmi (Antara Mali)

Babu convinces the young couple Lakshmi and Arvind to give him a lift. He then manages to shake off Arvind and makes off with Lakshmi. A scared Lakshmi is trying to figure out what he wants from her. At one point - exasperated - she asks

"lekin tum mujhse chaahte kyaa ho?"

Babu comes up with another classic line (like so many others that you can read by clicking on the Label at the bottom of this post)

"मैंने अभी तक decide नहीं किया है"
"maine abhii tak decide nahee.n kiyaa hai"

The line is part funny and part chilling - given the context of the film. This is a very common scenario in corporates. A tyrant of a boss and a traumatised employee. Finally the employee breaks down and asks - what is it that you really want? A great line if you are such a boss!